Peer Review by Huba Huba (United States)

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A Broken Summer Rhythm | FINAL

By: FantasyOtter12

    I could only see her at that summer camp each year. The other seasons we've been apart. Fall came, and we parted, teary eyed, and promised to keep in touch. The amber and crimson leaves, detaching themselves from the tree they would never forget. Winter, and we would expel the frost over FaceTime and hot chocolate with marshmallows.
    Spring rolled around, and we started blooming like hyacinths, longing for summer to arrive. And every summer solstice, we would reunite again, joy expelling the heat in the air. This cycle repeated every year. Until that one summer where it broke.

Did I imply enough that they broke up one summer? What could I do better? (Word Count 99) Any comments and feedback appreciated :D Thanks to Lata.B and And_The_Stars_Laughed for the super helpful peer reviews and Cata Londo for the constructive critique in comments! And everyone else that liked and gave encouragement through the comments buuut the footnotes are only so long :\

Peer Review

I really liked your style of writing. It's very descriptive and pretty.

You definitely did this well, using your indirect yet descriptive language.

There could be more emphasis on how the 'Summer Cycle' broke. Instead of using so many words just to describe the weather (although I really liked how you did this, but sadly there's a 99 word limit), you could put more of that descriptive language into how it broke.

Your style of writing is very beautiful, and I think that you have a good chance of winning the competition!

Reviewer Comments

Also, if you find it difficult to omit your seasonal descriptions, you could try starting with omitting the first two sentences. Perhaps something like, "we only meet every summer, otherwise we're apart." Remember, there doesn't need to be so many specifications!