Peer Review by And_The_Stars_Laughed (United States)

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A Broken Summer Rhythm | FINAL

By: FantasyOtter12

    We could only be together in the summer. The other seasons we shared apart. Fall came, and we left, teary eyed, and promised to keep in touch. The amber and crimson leaves, detaching themselves from the tree they would never forget. Winter, and we would expel the frost with FaceTime and hot chocolate with marshmallows. Spring rolled around, and we started blooming like hyacinths, longing for summer to finally show its signs.
    And every summer solstice, we would reunite again, joy expelling the heat in the air. This cycle repeated every year. Until that one summer where it didn't.

Did I imply enough that they broke up one summer? What could I do better? (Word Count 99) Any comments and feedback appreciated :D Thanks to Lata.B for the peer review!! <3 I was also unsure of how the formatting looked.

Peer Review

Right away, the first line drew me into the story as it made me wonder why this couple can only be together in summer. The second line is ambiguous in nature, but in a way, it answered that question as it said that "they shared the other seasons apart." I like how this is left for interpretation to the reader, as they get to wonder where the two characters go when it's not summer -- nice job! Your sensory details in this piece are also wonderful, it kept me engaged in this story and really let me imagine the scenes you set. I espicially enjoyed the line "Spring rolled around, and we started blooming like hyacinths, longing for summer to finally show its signs." I really like the idea of "blooming like hyacinths" as well. Wonderful work! :)

You did this successfully throughout the entire piece, suggesting that the couple in this story is trying to make a long-distance relationship work, as they can only see each other in the summer. The title, ("A Broken Summer Cycle") contributes to this suggestion; the fact that you use the word "broken" in your title lets me know that the relationship between these characters is at risk of falling apart. In the last line, you also use the power of suggestion extremely well -- you don't straight out say "they broke up" but rather, you plant the idea in my head that they did by saying "This cycle repeated every year. Until that one summer where it didn't." Awesome job using the power of suggestion to your advantage, it really enhanced the piece!!

Though I wasn't necessarily confused, I think that it might add to your piece if you specified why they can only be together in summer: they see each other. As I said before, I love the ambiguous tone that exists when you say they spend the other seasons apart, though I'd still ask you to think about how it might impact your piece if you gave the reader a snippet of information as to how they are able to see each other during the summer months. You can do this by simply adding a few words; for example, if they were both kids and saw each other at summer camp you could change your title to be something like "The Broken Cycle of Summer Camp," etc. However, I have no idea how they see each other as that is entirely up to you; that was just a quick example so you could see what I meant. Still, don't feel obliged to take this suggestion. :)

You've written a wonderful piece of flash fiction here, I really enjoyed the sensory details! I love the concept of this story and you carried it out wonderfully, it wasn't too ambiguous but it wasn't too straightforward either! Wonderful job -- I wish you the best of luck in the competition and I look forward to reading future drafts!

Reviewer Comments

I hope you find this review helpful, and if you have any questions about it, feel free to let me know. As I said before, good luck with the competition and happy writing! :)