Lata.B

United States

"You are grand from your toes to your head. Take a deep breath and let that sink in."

Message to Readers

is it good?

Shaded Shadow

August 12, 2020

You lie on your bed. The ceiling fan blows a silent breeze your way and the cool air makes the hairs on your unshaved legs prickle with fright. A shiver passes through you and you begin to reach for the blanket. Tilting your head, you notice a shadow forming on the wall beside you. Shoulders slumped and head down, it looks exhausted. Its tangled hair all out of place. You can almost hear its teardrops fall. It's not your shadow, so you look around the room to see if anyone else can claim it. No one else is there.

 
So many thanks go to Cata LondoelliemFantasyOtter12The Happy Hamster, LandofstoriesHuba HubaWicked!  and amaryllis for there amazing reviews! I'm also so grateful for the encouraging comments I received!
word count-99
THIS IS NOT THE FINAL hehe :)
Do you think i should use "you" in this or "she/he"?

 

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6 Comments
  • Huba Huba

    I'm not exactly sure, but I believe I've reviewed this one. This has improved so much and I'm so proud of you!


    about 1 year ago
  • Cata Londo

    WOW! You've really worked on it, it has improved sooo much!


    about 1 year ago
  • books4life

    Yess!! This is amazing! :) I like "you", it seems cool. btw chapter 32 is out for rose's flowers! :)


    about 1 year ago
  • Writing4Life

    Aw thank you! (I like 'you', it sounds cool, and makes the reader really experience the feelings!)


    about 1 year ago
  • dovetrees

    this is really great!! i think 'you' is great if you were to finish on a cliffhanger that makes the reader feel uneasy in the room they're reading in, instead of bringing them into the room in the story. and he/she is great if you wanna create your own setting, in my opinion :)


    about 1 year ago
  • RemovedUser1

    I submitted a review! Your piece is amazing! Great job!


    about 1 year ago