Peer Review by ILikeToWriteThings (United States)

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Three's a crowd, and so it becomes two

By: sunny.v

“Is it mine?”

The girl cradles the phone shakily to her ear, fixing her school uniform’s collar. “He couldn’t be anybody’s but yours. I’ve only been with--”

“I’m--we’re too young. What would we tell our parents?” He demands. 
She absently rubs her stomach. “I can’t do this alone.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, sounding frustrated. She squeezes her eyes shut, forcing back tears. He sighs forcefully. “I’ll get a job. Send you money every month.”

“He’ll want to know who you are,” she whispers. “Please, we could be a fami--”

The line goes dead. She stands alone, cradling her stomach.

word count: 99. Ernest Hemingway's ability to leave a story unsaid but so there (see: "Hills Like White Elephants") is so admirable, and I can only hope to have tried my best at doing the same!

Message to Readers

**I JUST saw the error (the lack of a SPACE) between "he demands" and "she absently rubs", my apologies! Please ignore that, it was a computer key error.
*feedback and reviews please!!!
Is there enough room for implication? Did I leave enough unsaid, and can you sympathize with the girl? Did you pick up on the pair's completely different outlooks on this situation?

Peer Review

Interesting title; it makes sense in context but doesn't really give anything away. I like how you start the story with dialogue to immediately throw the reader into the situation.

The ending leaves a lot to the imagination which makes it scarier; the girl's future is uncertain and volatile.
By not giving any backstory to the characters, the reader sees the two in a very raw state; we can only identify them based on their reaction to the situation, which further emphasizes their differences.

If anything, I think you might say a little bit too much. The only thing that's not really stated is what happens after the story ends. Remember, the limit is 99 words, but you certainly don't have to use 99 words. I think some of the interactions could likely be cut, and shortening the story would make it more impactful.

This is a very sad and real piece. You do a great job in capturing a lot of emotion in a short amount of words!

Reviewer Comments

This is all my opinion, suggestions if anything; I'm not Hemingway, so if you disagree then ignore what I say.