sunny.v

United States

southeast asian baddie!!
wtw community’s official older sibling
running off into the sunset with circe
april 27, 2020 - march 2021

swordwielding protector of all minority groups
resident knight

Message to Readers

**I JUST saw the error (the lack of a SPACE) between "he demands" and "she absently rubs", my apologies! Please ignore that, it was a computer key error.
*feedback and reviews please!!!
Is there enough room for implication? Did I leave enough unsaid, and can you sympathize with the girl? Did you pick up on the pair's completely different outlooks on this situation?

Three's a crowd, and so it becomes two

August 12, 2020

“Is it mine?”

The girl cradles the phone shakily to her ear, fixing her school uniform’s collar. “He couldn’t be anybody’s but yours. I’ve only been with--”

“I’m--we’re too young. What would we tell our parents?” He demands. 
She absently rubs her stomach. “I can’t do this alone.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, sounding frustrated. She squeezes her eyes shut, forcing back tears. He sighs forcefully. “I’ll get a job. Send you money every month.”

“He’ll want to know who you are,” she whispers. “Please, we could be a fami--”

The line goes dead. She stands alone, cradling her stomach.
word count: 99. Ernest Hemingway's ability to leave a story unsaid but so there (see: "Hills Like White Elephants") is so admirable, and I can only hope to have tried my best at doing the same!

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38 Comments
  • waxingcrescents

    You’ve packed so much raw emotion and backstory into this piece without even directly telling us the meaning. Hemingway would be proud.


    about 1 year ago
  • Huba Huba

    I love the story, yet it's so sad! "The line goes dead" is such a short sentence but so powerful!


    about 1 year ago
  • BlueOwl

    Replying: omg, I think that was the kindest thing a fellow writer has ever said about one of my pieces! I am truly flattered! Thank you so much!! Between going back to online classes, homework and my book, I'm not sure I'll be able to post things here as often as I'd like, but I'll try! Thanks again for your kind comment! It really means a lot.


    about 1 year ago
  • mia_:)

    finally came to my senses and submitted a review! hopefully you'll get it in time!


    about 1 year ago
  • asta

    oh my god? this is beautiful, i love it! and the title is *mwah*


    about 1 year ago
  • outoftheblue

    my wife is winning, y'all


    about 1 year ago
  • outoftheblue

    oof size


    about 1 year ago
  • The Midnight One

    Wow this is absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking... speaks volumes in so little words.


    about 1 year ago
  • mia_:)

    sunny i swear if you don't win i'm going to be MAD! every time i read this, it gets even better!


    about 1 year ago
  • inanutshell

    replying: yes! hopefully i can stay until the .5 mark but also generally unsure of how that all works, will know more next month i guess. but i checked out the next couple of comps & none of them really strike me as comps i'd wanna participate in, so unless i have a sudden change of mind i'm participating in this one just in case i never do for the rest! glad to have you on prose & ig as well, makes it easier to transition off wtw :")


    about 1 year ago
  • books4life

    Yes! This is amazing :)


    about 1 year ago
  • dovetrees

    WOW!!! this is so incredible, i love the way you presented the story - hemingway would be SO proud of this. and what an amazing topic to choose as well! i am in awe!


    about 1 year ago
  • G.Joy

    This is bittersweet. I love this so much.


    about 1 year ago
  • FantasyOtter12

    replying-- thanks for the book rec!! Ur work is amazing too it leaves me mindblown every single time


    about 1 year ago
  • Landofstories

    replying: No problem!


    about 1 year ago
  • mia_:)

    wow this is sooooo good! yes, you did a masterful job with the unsaid! *chef kiss* i just want to hug her!


    about 1 year ago
  • thesqueakycauldron_

    I read the entire story and looked at the title again. BOOOM. I went OOOOOOO hehe. Amazing piece.


    about 1 year ago
  • Charisse Marison

    I WAS NOT READY FOR THAT EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER!
    I really hope she keeps the baby or my heart will be broken 3


    about 1 year ago
  • Bhavya's Treasure

    *claps*


    about 1 year ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    i am ashamedly late, but i'll try to get in a peer review tmr. i'm just gonna say now that this is one of the best pieces of flash fiction that i've read yet.


    about 1 year ago
  • Stone of Jade

    also the title is absolutely AMAZING! forgot to mention that in prev comment haha


    about 1 year ago
  • Stone of Jade

    wow this is so sad but really powerful!!! small grammar edit: I'm pretty sure that after ...parents?" the He would be lowercase.
    I can't say much else without repeating what everyone else is saying. This is so so good and your word play is amazing! Great job writing this!! good luck in the comp!


    about 1 year ago
  • rainandsonder

    "The girl cradles the phone shakily to her ear" ah this is such a clever line, using the word "cradles" which not only is a strong verb but also ties into the theme of the piece and clues the reader into what it's about, it's almost a pun! and yes, you did this really well, it's just overt enough that you can tell what it's about but still does the unspoken flash fiction thing very well. my only critique is the use of the word "absently" in the line "absently rubs her stomach", i feel like there could be a stronger, more emotional adverb that fits in better, but that's just my opinion. this is a really great, well-written piece and i wish you the best of luck in the competition!


    about 1 year ago
  • birthdaycandles

    replying: Awwh haha yes you caught me, I just fancied a change so I chose this username instead because birthdays make me really happy lol. Yes I have noticed you haven't been as active and I've missed seeing your lovely comments on literally every piece I click on to read ahaha! I hope all is well with you and again this piece is so so brilliant, I just read it again when I was here lol :)


    about 1 year ago
  • birthdaycandles

    99 words: 100% heartbreak

    The emotional struggle the character is going through is so heartbreaking! I like how at the beginning she was cradling her phone, because the boy was at the other end of the phone talking to her but by the end when he hung up, she’s cradling her stomach. That shift in the piece is really really clever! I wish you the best of luck with this in the competition!


    about 1 year ago
  • elliem

    Nice. You brought out the "Hills Like White Elephants" surprise element really well here. Best of luck, Sunny!


    about 1 year ago
  • asimic

    lowkey crying, but it's so good!! i love how much you managed to explain and show in just 99 words.


    about 1 year ago
  • Busssy.Beee

    I had to read it a few times before understanding it, but once I did... it really drove out all the hurt. Beautifully written! :)


    about 1 year ago
  • .amelia.

    Wow all that plot under 100 words! I'm shook.

    Love the tiny details like her uniform collar and her rubbing her stomach.


    about 1 year ago
  • Landofstories

    I- wow.


    about 1 year ago
  • Dmoral

    *gut punch*
    not okay, sunny-NOT OKAY


    about 1 year ago
  • erin!

    i could just be emotional right now, but i'm crying so you must be pretty good. i really, really love it


    about 1 year ago
  • Creatively Dumb

    Ohmygosh- my heart-


    about 1 year ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    I think I'm an idiot because apparently this makes sense to other people *sweats*


    about 1 year ago
  • inanutshell

    woah this hurt. the inclusion of a terse phone conversation here really adds to the "things left unsaid" aspect of flash fiction, and also adds the visual imagery of them being at opposing ends of this. a really great piece <3


    about 1 year ago
  • Lata.B

    This was so beautiful!
    I just wrote a review so I hope you get it soon : )


    about 1 year ago
  • ek503

    oh, wow. this is such a heart-wrenching, beautifully concise piece.


    about 1 year ago
  • purplepanache

    oh. oh. oh. oh. that hurt. ill try to drop a peer review as soon as i get some time.


    about 1 year ago