aloeg

United Kingdom

Romans 8:39
Writing
Lettering
Funny things

Joined May 2020

Message to Readers

are the sentences too blunt and does that take away from the story?

Run

August 5, 2020

Needles of sunlight fall around me, through the thick leaves. I am crouched, ears pricked and muscles tensed. The droning of the planes is broken by a shattering crash. The branches shiver; my hideout shields me from the blast.
The planes retreat; fainter, fainter, fainter ... gone.
Go now; it's clear. My feet smash into the forest ground as I run.
A cloud explodes, surrounding me; I am thrown upwards, flailing helplessly through the fog; flying blind, floating ...
My shoulder crashes into the floor; I'm coughing, rolling, groaning. Alive.
Keep going. To the border.
And I run on.

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2 Comments
  • Stone of Jade

    "Needles of sunlight fall around me, through the thick leaves..."
    That^^^ is so beautiful!!!! this whole piece is really good. you ask if the sentences are blunt: they are, but with the tone of excitement in this piece it fits really well. Good job!


    6 months ago
  • hi i'm jackson ;)

    oh wow. I like this a lot. I love the way you strung choppy sentences together and made it flow. its very good. keep writing my dude, youre amazing!


    6 months ago