A Certain Type of Decisive

United States

Just your unfriendly neighborhood disaster, bringing you bi-weekly updates from the bottom of my own shoe!

Message to Readers

Someday, the clouds will realize the futility of their efforts. Perhaps they will be relieved, perhaps they will be angry. Either way, I hope I do not live to see that day.


August 2, 2020


I would send you a love letter
but my betta fish said it was a bad idea.
You’re just the same as everyone I’ve ever met--
what’s so wrong with being the sum of your parts?
We’re all just skin and bones and skin and bones and
far too many chemicals, all shook up like
the smoothies we used to make in the morning
and I’ve always loved
my fish more than I loved you.
You have the right to call me childish,
but you’d be the first because
I was a very industrious fifth grader--
I thought I needed friends, enemies, dreams, and regrets
in order to be taken seriously.
I already had friends and dreams, and enemies were easy enough to make
but I had no regrets, I don’t know how to make them--
the only one I came up with was
forgetting a cookie in a lunch-bag before I threw it away.
You have the right to call me childish,
I am.
I like constellations because they don’t exist.
Across the world, people saw dots in the sky
and decided they were people.
Do I need constellations? Do I know how to make them?
Constellation aren’t real,
they’re just stars
but we made them more.
We wanted to make them more.
And so they are more.
What’s so wrong with being just stars?
They’re just heat and light and heat and light and heat and
too much stuff keep inside, so they send it out
into the dark
and that’s what you did.
You put so much of yourself in the dark,
didn’t have any self control, couldn’t keep anything in.
You were a star, but I will make no constellation of you.
I thought I needed to be taken seriously,
but I don’t mind being childish anymore--
I’m just the same as everyone I’ve met.
What’s wrong with being the sum of my parts?
We’re all just friends and enemies and dreams and regrets and
I always loved my fish more than you.


See History

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  • AbiJoy

    There's nothing wrong with being a smoothie! Thank you somebody finally said it! All these people trying to say... "well I'm actually a milkshake..." NO! Somebody get those boys out of the yard! No more romanticism! We're smoothies 2020!

    4 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    I just love this matter of fact, somewhat rambling tone. Really great piece.

    4 months ago
  • amaryllis

    oh gosh, the point about constellations and stars were gorgeous! i can't completely relate because i have a ton of regrets, but the "childish" part and that last line:

    "I always loved my fish more than you"

    is so powerful! it conveys so much in such a simple, factual tone. beautiful, beautiful poem!

    4 months ago