Emi

United States

Christian
Child of God
American
Patriot
Diecisiete
Ravenclaw
Rider of the Rohirrim
Narnian
Prydain
District 12
Chef
Gardener
Writer
Artist
Seamstress
Homeschooler
Romantic
Nerd
Archer
Rifler

Message from Writer

"And even when you think you're finished, it's not over yet," for KING & COUNTRY, "It's not Over yet"
"All of my dirt, all of my shame drowned in the streams that've made me born again," Jordan Feliz, "The River."
"Scars come with livin,' you are not alone," TobyMac, "Scars (Come With Livin')"
"I might bend but I won't break, I'll fight the elements," TobyMac "The Elements."
"Stand tall but above it all, fix my eyes on You," for KING & COUNTRY, "Fix My Eyes"
"Run wild, live free, love strong, you and me," for KING & COUNTRY "Run Wild."
"One by one we will call for a ceasefire...one by one, reaching out to our enemies" for KING & COUNTRY, "Ceasefire."
Currently reading Dubliners by James Joyce

How To Be Latina (as defined by American culture and media)

February 13, 2021

FREE WRITING

14
1. You must be part of an inner-city gang
Darn. Missed that boat since my family moved to the country. I don't think I'm mean enough either. And I can never understand slang and all that stuff. I hope this doesn't lose me too many points.
2. You must be on welfare
Never. Ever. Ever. I don't take cash from the government. Ever. No thank you, Big Brother. Gosh, I have a job...why do I have to take other people's tax money again?
3. You must steal other people's jobs
Uh...no? Look, it's not my fault if my employer thinks I'm more qualified than the average teenager? I don't even get what this means. The more people you have the more picky you can be about who you hire. It's a competitive market. That's the beauty of capitalism; you can hire the hard-working people and fire the lazy ones. So...I still don't get this. 
4. You must be from Mexico and eat tacos.
I love tacos. And Mexican food. But just cause I mark "Hispanic" on my SATs doesn't mean I hail from sunny Mexico. Try the Caribbean, people. Plus, the food's not as spicy. 
5. You must work in manual labor
Look at my dad. He works in a nice air-conditioned office looking at other people's taxes. Definitely not minimum wage. And while I'm doing manual labor now, it's only cause I haven't been to college yet. Sorry, I'm not going to meet that criteria once I get myself a degree.
6. You must also be lazy
Excuse me? I'd like to think I'm a pretty hard worker. I mean, I pretty much work every day but Sunday. I worked almost forty hours this week, which is the legal limit for my age. Not including gardening and studying for SATs and the ACT.
7. You must be passive
Ok, this might be the only criterium that might possibly come any near to fitting. At least on the outside. I might look cool as a cucumber, but I can be furious and nobody would know it.
8. You must also be sexy and promiscuous
Uh...no? I'm sorry, but no no no. Please don't look at me like that, it's not my fault I look this way. I don't even like wearing a bathing suit. I want to get a wetsuit to swim in cause I'm so self-conscious. I will never meet this criterium, and I'm a little insulted you expect me to just because of my ethnicity.
9. You must be hot-tempered
That seems a little contradictory. Maybe sometimes? I don't know. I'm pretty chill most of the time. Until you people start putting stereotypes on me. It's kind of irritating.
10. You must have many children
Okay, this is the only one that hits right on. I want tons of kids. More than the average American household, definitely. But that's just me. Everyone else in my family would be good with like four or less. 
11. You must be a criminal
Not right now, at least. The only illegal things I've done is brought a knife into a school (it was by accident; I forgot it was in my backpack) gone over the speed limit by about fifteen miles per hour, smuggled pretzels into a baseball game (their snack prices were ridiculous), sang a worship song in a public school and prayed for people in a public school (I don't know if that's illegal everywhere). So, yeah, so far nothing major. I might end up doing something illegal someday if they make it illegal to do some stuff I like doing, like shooting guns or bows or whatever. I try not to, however. Definitely never going to kill someone or steal. So, sorry, don't really match this one. 
12. You must wear tight low-cut clothing
Didn't you read the above notice. Not me. At all. I like military-style collars that go right up to my chin, thank you very much. I'd wear tight clothing more if I lost a little weight, but not like tight to the point of immodesty. I'm pretty conservative with my clothes. Please stop staring. 
13. You must come from a huge family
Fine. You got me. I guess anywhere over three kids is huge in the U.S.
14. You must have numerous kids at a young age
Are we talking teen pregnancy here or something? No. No no no. Not me. I'm not having kids till I get married, and no time before age twenty four or so. You're looking at the wrong Latina, go find my cousin or something.
15. You must work as a maid or housekeeper
I'm terrible at cleaning. You should see my room right now. It's a disaster. I'm off to college, and I don't think you can get a degree in housekeeping there. I do have to learn how to clean though if I ever want to have my mother over to my house someday.
16. You must be an immigrant
You're looking at a second-generation American here. Or whatever. My dad was born here too. I'm an immigrant from Heaven? Or more of a visitor.
17. You must only speak Spanglish or Spanish
Spanglish? Seriously? English was my first language. I've only now mastered Spanish enough to hold a conversation, and that was after ten years of Rosetta Stone and two weeks spent in a Spanish-speaking country. I still don't know all the vocabulary, and my grammar stinks.
18. You must speak English with an accent
Okay, you might get me there. But it's more of what I call a "homeschooler's" accent, because I haven't learned to speak like public school kids, who in my opinion all sound the same (no offense, public schoolers). I have the accent of my family's English, and my own accent that's a mix of Irish and southern and British and occasionally Spanish. It's weird, I know, but it comes from watching too many other-language films.
19. You must be exotic
What does this even mean? I like exotic foods and plants, but I figure I'm pretty ordinary. Besides wanting to go back and live in the 1700s. And being the only girl in my area who'd rather get an air soft gun than new clothes. I'm not some tropical fruit here, dudes.
20. You must be curvy
Why do you people seem so obsessed with my appeal? Leave me alone. You're kind of right on this one, but that's really none of your business how I look. Just happens to be in the genes. I'm done with this test.

Your Scores:
5/20
25 percent
YOU ARE NOT LATINA
What...but I thought...my dad...my abuela? Gosh, papi's going to be so mad that I failed.

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29 Comments
  • Minvra

    Re: Yeah. Don't quite understand people doing that or if they know it's offensive. Definitely there's stereotypes on all nations though.


    2 months ago
  • Minvra

    Dang, on the surface this is hilarious, but this is deep. An American is an American. I love this though. Actually some of the stereotypes I wasn't aware. Then again I don't particular pay attention to much media....should I?


    2 months ago
  • xx carolina xx

    this has to be the smartest thing i've ever read. as a latina, this hits different


    2 months ago
  • Ellington Stone

    Re: Haha, I get that. Though, I tend to get more than "mildly annoyed." And thanks!!


    2 months ago
  • Ellington Stone

    YES!! THANK YOU!! I REALLY love this piece. Like, SO MUCH!!
    It's a sarcastic and witty way to address the underlying stereotypes about Latina women/girls!! I'm totally going to read this over and over again (and the ending was great XD)


    2 months ago
  • anemoia (#words)

    re: oh, wow, thank you! what a compliment ;)
    re re: (i guess?) ok, thanks! idk if i'm gonna do it, but i might. yk how it goes. if it's not a crucial project, then it doesn't always happen.
    and that's interesting about the public vs homeschool accent


    2 months ago
  • anemoia (#words)

    wow i learned a lot and laughed a little too! but what is the public schooler's accent? how can we all sound the same across the nation?/ lh
    also, i kinda want to do this same thing, but for Chinese. since I am Chinese. mind if i use this format?
    also, the baseball snack police are coming after you. they're going to make you pay for overpriced pretzels THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.


    2 months ago
  • SamRose

    Re: That's so great! I love our co-op. We have a lot in common! XD


    2 months ago
  • SamRose

    Re: Well, sometimes I think a plant is harder to take care of than a pet. They don't chirp to remind you they are there (I have a bird). And that is so cool that you are in a co-op too! I have been in two, one I didn't like and the current one is so amazing! BriRiley is in it too. :) Yours is a homeschooling co-op, right?


    2 months ago
  • Stone of Jade

    Chapter 31 for T&R is out!! Finally--after all these chapters--a bit more of Owen's past is revealed.
    https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/221085/version/463259


    2 months ago
  • Lata.B

    Hey! Okay, you know how I said I would post Sunday...well not now. I got a chance to edit and everything!! PLEASE READ THE MESSAGE BOX! I WROTE ABOUT YOU!!!!:)
    Also, I know it's long but I hope you find where you left off! <3
    https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/220887/version/462743


    2 months ago
  • _Delphiruns2theocean_

    Haha, this made me laugh, how ridiculous the standards are I mean XD
    Re: I haven't given much thought to it since. Also, yes us public schoolers have different groups, some of us less toxic like my friend group. Also, yeah different people like different types of schooling forms. Some of my friends want to be homeschooled but can't, I'm neutral etc. etc.


    2 months ago
  • nolongeractive

    This is so great; my new song called 'the farm' is out now if you wanna check it out!


    2 months ago
  • SamRose

    Re: Yeah. XD Mine is a little shorter than that. I haven't measured it, so idk how long it is.


    2 months ago
  • nolongeractive

    This is so pretty, wow. Make sure to look out for my new song coming out tonight called 'the farm'


    2 months ago
  • Booklover12

    Re:Thank you so much!


    3 months ago
  • doodleninja

    re: aw thanks so much! :)


    3 months ago
  • doodleninja

    this is such a witty poignant piece with just the right amount of satire XD i loved this! i also loved that wording of "immigrant from Heaven" and hard relate to not being the most fluent in spanish, despite being surrounded by it for so many years.


    3 months ago
  • Lata.B

    Re- I totally get it! School can be so much work! Well if you have the time like whenever if you want I wrote more to my story! :) <3
    https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/206209/version/459133


    3 months ago
  • Parisienne

    re: Thank you so much for all your kind comments on my pieces, it was really sweet of you!! <3


    3 months ago
  • Lata.B

    Hey Emi! How are you?


    3 months ago
  • Parisienne

    'YOU ARE NOT LATINA
    What...but I thought...my dad...my abuela? Gosh, papi's going to be so mad that I failed.' I'm crying this is sooooo funny haha love it!!!


    3 months ago
  • Lata.B

    Haha you added humor to this and I love it but this is so true there are so many stupid things people think of people that are not from America like wth!!
    Re- Yup his brother!!! Sorry for such a late reply! But thank you so much for your comment.
    ALSO I wrote more to my story but look out for the bad news in the footnotes ANYWAY I hope you enjoy:)
    Happy Valentines day!
    https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/206209/version/456950


    3 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Thank you! Who knows, maybe I'll expand it someday.


    3 months ago
  • Ren(hiatus)

    XD I love this, also the way your profile connects to all of this. It's kinda pretty comedic *claps*.
    Though to be serious for a second well done, break all the stereotypes.


    9 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Replying: Ohh that makes sense.


    9 months ago
  • RemovedUser1

    Oh my gosh XD. The way you spun this was really funny. I love your reaction at the end. Good job! This was really well written!


    9 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    So cool! One thing though... What's a public school accent? I'm legitimately confused. Like I have a very diverse friend group in the respect, and I've never noticed a difference at all.


    9 months ago
  • acrosstheuniverse28

    A really creative way to showcase the hurtful, nonsensical stereotypes society seems to love so much. As a white girl, I found this very informative and I found myself thinking about how I've seen some of these stereotypes perpetuated in the media and what not, so thank you for opening my eyes even more! Keep speaking up and proving these stereotype wrong!


    9 months ago