Peer Review by iamherbooks (Canada)

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I Just Wish I Didn't Remember You (edited)

By: Busssy.Beee


FREE WRITING

*Thanks to Bhavya's Treasure for the peer review*
I still think about you
Your beautiful boxy smile
Flashing all your white teeth
Your curly red hair 
Blowing in the wind 
Your high-pitch shrill voice
I regret remembering all those memories

But you've probably moved on
Why wouldn't you?
I was probably
Just another 'old friend'
I know I was nothing compared to perfect you

I wish I could change my face
So I can live up to your expectations
But I will never
I will always my crooked teeth
And frizzy brunette hair

Tears are now stinging my eyes
The thought of you moving on
Is too much for me to bear
This is why I was foolish 
To start being friends 
With such a perfect angel
You're probably hanging out 
With a group of friends
And going to the beach every weekend

But I have to stay here
With red-blotched cheeks
And puffy eyes
I just wish I didn't remember you
 

I don't know if this is good, but I thought I would just rack up some poem. I hope you liked it, but if you didn't, could you please tell me why? Thanks for reading. :)

Peer Review

The first and second stanza are quite beautiful (and relatable) in my opinion. A job well done.


I think you could expand on the WHY this boy is so perfect. I liked the poem, but I feel like it's missing more details about him and what about him made your heart flutter in the first place (it is a story, after all).


Reviewer Comments

There are some grammar issues, although none too big. I guess the only two you could correct (if you wanted) are the ones I highlighted.