Peer Review by JazzMinnelli (Sri Lanka)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?

Death Row

By: Rockzilla100


Faith sat up in bed and checked her clock. It was 6:00 am. She got out of bed, changed into her uniform, and headed downstairs for breakfast. Faith sat down. A minute later there was a message on the television from Hitler. “Today, we get rid of all the rotten Jews. Today is death row.” “Oh no!” Faith hated this day. It gave her that feeling of sadness and helplessness in her stomach. The same feeling Faith had when her dad died. Faith’s dad was shot in war. She found out by a telegram. She was merely twelve years old. Ten years later, she joined the army to follow in her father's footsteps but instead, she was forced to be an officer at a concentration camp. After breakfast, they headed out to death row. Faith took a deep breath as the officers gathered around. “First up!” The Army General called. “Maya, twenty years old. Found guilty for being a Jew.” Maya entered looking around, Trying not to shake out of her clothes. Faith had a strange feeling in her stomach as if something wasn’t right. “Oh no,” Faith whispered. Maya was Faith’s best friend from Berlin,Germany. Maya took her spot in the middle of the field. The officers pushed her to the ground and tied her wrists together before going back and taking their places. “Ready!” The Army General said. Faith gulped. “Aim!” Faith knew she had to do something but she didn’t know what. The officers grabbed their guns and in a swoop of courage, Faith stepped forward. “Stop!” Faith shouted. Everyone looked in her direction. “What is it?” the Army General was indignant. Faith looked at Maya. “You may not remember me, but I used to be your best friend.” Faith smiled weakly. “Faith!” Maya shouted she remembered her.“You don’t have to do this!” Maya said,trying to stop Faith. “Yes, I do. You were there for me when my father died. Now it’s time for me to repay the favour.” Faith walked over to Maya. “You don’t have to,” Maya said you could hear the panic in her voice. “Faith since you so boldly stepped out I charge you with disturbing the peace and your penalty is death! Take Maya to the city jail and Faith take your place``, the Army General shouted as the crowd gasped at the action around them. The officers took Maya to the city jail and Faith took her place. The officers took their places and got their guns ready. Faith took a deep breath and smiled. She was going to be with her dad. “Ready!” Faith looked at the officers taking Maya to the jail. “Aim!” Faith looked up at the sky. She would soon be there. “Fire!” She wasn’t afraid. She was excited. She was going to be with her father, laughing with the angels, and this would only seem like a bad dream. A second later, Faith heard the guns and saw the bullets. She smiled one last time. Then all was black. No more pain. No more tears. Faith was greeted by dazzling memories of her father and the picnics they would go on. She was greeted by the warm glowing light and she knew it was over.

This short story was written for remembrance day. 

Message to Readers

I'm looking for feedback, All types good or bad

Peer Review

I love the fact that the main character is a female who is an officer in a concentration camp. this is a very rare occurrence because only about 5% of officers were female in the world war. Faith's bravery and love for her friend was exemplary, and also reminds me of the Hunger Games, which I loved reading.

It would be great if you could add some more emotion into your writing, for example when Maya was being tied up, was she at rest and calm or was she resisting? Also, if you could expand on the details of the surrounding and set the scene better, I think that your story would create a sense of impending doom, and make your story quite gripping. Be sure to explain and describe your surroundings, for example the weather, and how the characters felt to give your story more depth. Improving the paragraphing would make your piece more enticing to the reader. Writing your whole story in one whole paragraph might seem monotonous or difficult to read at a glance.

Reviewer Comments

Overall, I think you've written quite a masterpiece. I loved the plot. Keep on improving, and definitely keep up the great work! :)