United States

Professional Fangirl

Message to Readers

I'm trying to learn/explore thriller writing :) This would be my first piece written with that dark/creepy-esque mindset. I'm not super happy with it; I know there's a lot more that I could add. Any pointers and tips on that kind of writing would be invaluable. Thank you so much! <33


July 29, 2020


The needle pierces the fabric. She pulls it through, listening for the satisfying sound of the thread drawing smoothly against the cloth.
Out, and then in again. The careful, meticulous pattern of puncture, pull, loop, tie.
Puncture, pull, loop, tie.
Puncture, pull, loop, tie.
The thread nears its end, pulling taught against the soft cotton. She always dreads this part, the end of the thread. An interruption in the system.
A small knot in the stitch, and then snip goes the rest of the thread. It falls away, leaving a finished product in her left hand and a silver needle in her left.
She looks up.
She begins to analyze the sounds, something she has learned to do since grade school. The footsteps of someone, someone nearing the room. Male. Average height. Military-grade boots. A small limp in the… left? No, right leg.
The door opens.
“Hello, Koresh,” she purrs.
The man in the doorway smiles. “How’s your sewing?”
She shrugs. “It’s going well. Just the buttons left.”
“I’m sure it will turn out great,” he says.
“Yes sir, you know it.” The words are acid on her tongue. She smiles.
“You’re doing very well. You’ll be out in no time.”
Her fingers tighten on the fabric, but her smile is unwavering when she says, “Sir, I may need more needles. I think the one I have now is close to breaking.”
“Of course! They’re in the cupboard next to the hallway. Someone will escort you to them on your next lunch break. Is that adequate?”
She folds her hands. “Perfect.”
He nods curtly and closes the door.
The footsteps fade away.
She looks back down to admire her handiwork, and then picks up a small, crimson button.
In goes the needle. Puncture, pull, loop, tie.
Once the two buttons are secured and knotted, she slips the needle into her handcuffs, the silver chains that have held her down for two months, two months of waiting in this stuffy cell, waiting for a chance and a weapon.
And now she has one.
The cuffs drop to the floor, and she pulls the needle from its lock. Then the fetters around her ankles--those drop  with a clang on the concrete floor.
She pulls the needle out. It was a gift, a reward for good behaviour. How ironic. It’s too bent now to be of any use; that’s okay. She knows where to find more.
She picks up her sewing project and holds it up. A doll, with long black hair and a cream-colored face. A satin blue dress. White stockings. Two red buttons as eyes.
She takes her needle and shoves it fiercely into the doll’s chest, so much that the tip of it pokes through to the other side.
She drops the doll onto the chair.
“Just the buttons,” she whispers to herself. Puncture, pull, loop, tie.
She can’t wait to feel the blood on her hands again.


See History

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

  • Century Friend

    This was an incredible read. The way the character perceives things just pulled me so much deeper into the story. I've never written thrillers either, so I'm not sure I'm qualified to give you tips on the genre, but I am qualified to tell you that I'd love to read more of this story.

    about 2 months ago
  • bellairet

    I'm no expert on thriller writing (quite the opposite, actually, haha) so I can't comment on that part, but I will say that to an average reader, this is quite good :) The repetition i think really cements down the mood. The premise itself is dark and we get the feeling that the main pov (woman? prisoner?) is pretty messed up, lol. I like it, it definitely feels "creepy-esque". Great job!

    about 2 months ago