rosemarywisdom

Singapore

from sydney and austin, but currently living in singapore.
in the process of writing a full-fledged book with three amazing other humans.

you built me palaces out of paragraphs


black lives matter

Message to Readers

Here is a new take on the Jack-and-Rose-esque story of passengers on the RMS Titanic, part of a longer narrative based on characters I've created. Mayline Marchand was deeply in love with her best friend Anya Mintor, and the two of them were sent to America (by their respective families) on the vessel to attend a finishing school there, along with Anya's little sister, Audra. While on the boat, Anya falls for John "Laurie" Clarence, which results in a rushed engagement and promises to run away together to all kinds of exotic places when the boat docks. Mayline's heart breaks quietly as she witnesses their love story first hand, as a mere spectator.

always and forever, mayline

August 5, 2020

FREE WRITING

11

my dearest anya,

not a day goes by that i don't see your face. see your smile, hear your laugh echoing through my mind. it is quiet here in new haven. no matter how hard i try, i cannot stop picturing the rising sun over the deck of the carpathia, the guards taking names and identities. i searched for you, anya. stood at a high point surveying the crowds, trying to catch even the slightest glimpse of your face, your hazelwood eyes, your familiar copper hair.

they were pronouncing people dead, my dear. men, women, children. little audra was not found, and my heart breaks a little more each day when i think of the way she'd clung onto my hand when the ship left port in london, her hazel eyes identical to yours. i suppose that's common in sisters, though. oh, sweet audra. barely seven years old. it is horrible to think of the life snatched away from her so soon. you and her both, anya my love.

numb with the pain, i wouldn't stop asking around for you. anya mintor, seventeen. tall. beautiful smile. beloved friend. but as sure as the waves make their way back to shore, the memories flood back into my mind. the night of the sinking, the way i'd held out my hand to you.

come on, anya! we have to go! come on!

each word rich with love and emotion, but you withdrew and turned away from me, the girl you grew up with, your closest confidante, your most trusted friend. you chose him. you chose love, anya.

was i never enough for you, my darling anya? i musn't speak ill of the dead... but did i ever hurt you? mistreat you in any possible way? no, anya... quite the contrary. every time i stared into your eyes, i found myself loving you more and more, a love i could never quite articulate or admit to you. you were more than my best friend, you were the love of my life.

if you truly chose love, then why am i sitting here, writing this letter, desolate and heartbroken and alone?

alone and very much alive.

you met john clarence on the boat. a man you'd known two weeks, and you were talking about running away with him, leaving your path of finishing school in america, leaving the life set carefully out for you, leaving your baby sister. leaving me.

they say that love is blind. between you and laurie, explicitly so. 

had it not been for laurie, you might have been standing next to me on the deck of the carpathia.

but again, i must not speak ill of the dead.

they'd finally found a young couple, clinging onto a frame, holding each other. pale, frozen, lifeless. the descriptions matched that of you and laurie, subsequently pronounced dead. romeo and juliet in the icy depths, faces forever contorted in pain, eyes frozen shut, knuckles still white.

sweet anya, if anyone deserved love, it was you.

perhaps in another lifetime, i would be enough. perhaps in another lifetime, you would have taken my hand and huddled beside me on the boat. perhaps in another lifetime, you would have loved me as i love you, anya... more so each day, and i cannot love another the same.

but even if you had been standing next to me now, it would be a love you could never reciprocate.

that does not mean i wish you here any less, my dearest anya.

always and forever,
mayline

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  • August 5, 2020 - 11:24pm (Now Viewing)

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7 Comments
  • Onion3102

    this is so beautiful - take it from someone who has that name ;)


    2 days ago
  • ElsaRee

    Stunning!!


    6 days ago
  • Paisley Blue

    Wow. This is stunning. I ache for mayline. This story could go somewhere!!!


    8 days ago
  • books4life

    love. it's so beautiful.

    Also, I don't know if you know this, but I'm still writing Rose's Flowers, and I remember you loving the first couple chapters. I just posted chapter 28 if you would like to check out the chapters you missed!! :)


    8 days ago
  • elliem

    Wow. This is just gorgeous. These characters are bold and impactful. You write this in a way that is both effective and heart wrenching.

    " perhaps in another lifetime, you would have taken my hand and huddled beside me on the boat. perhaps in another lifetime, you would have loved me as i love you, anya..."

    This part is beautiful in such a dark way it becomes haunting. This is one of my favourite WtW pieces I've seen in a long time. Lovely.


    9 days ago
  • Jasmine khawar

    So painful! And so incredible. Heartbreaking but still beautiful. You poured all the emotions in it.


    9 days ago
  • inanutshell

    ahhh this is so heartbreaking. the backstory in your 'message to readers' provide a lot of useful context; mayline & anya seem like such layered characters. the letter also really embodies mayline's heartbreak & lovesickness, absolutely amazing


    9 days ago