avoiding the big bang

United States

writes abt: books, cats, and self-deprecation
anti -isms and -phobias

Message to Readers

i was listening to coldplay when i wrote this, so it was an easy title. i might change it later though.

please comment/review!

Life in Technicolor

July 30, 2020

FREE WRITING

7
Overhead, the sunset - red frothed into amber-yellow-
-blue skies.  I stand and the slat writhes and tips beneath my toes, 
and I jump,
the water warm and foamy.  Light on weak arms.
Shielding eyes against a violent strap of sun, kicking infinitely at gray-green murks,
we bob against the dock, wet arms outstretched into fading air.  The world so still
and mild.  Shivering when these slimy limbs clamber back onto their blue plastic ‘boards.
I lie above the lake and watch the stars go by.

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  • July 30, 2020 - 9:20am (Now Viewing)

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3 Comments
  • Dmoral

    "The world so still and mild"
    favourites lines!

    your imagery in this whole piece is simplistic, which adds to the overall beauty of it. i could picture this whole scene, watching your actions flash by. this is wonderful wonderful work!


    4 months ago
  • rainandsonder

    oh this is so beautiful, it almost feels like something out of a movie, reminds me of the lake at my grandparent's house. the way you use language is so fantastic, i particularly loved "red frothed into amber-yellow" to describe the sunset. the only critique i have is that, in the line "shivering when these slimy limbs clamber back...", reading the word "slimy" sort of disrupts/takes you out of the tone of the piece, it's not the most pleasant word imo but i see what you were getting at. excellent work!


    4 months ago
  • outoftheblue

    "Shielding eyes against a violent strap of sun, kicking infinitely at gray-green murks,
    we bob against the dock, wet arms outstretched into fading air" the sensory imagery here is just beautiful! the title really caught my eye ahahahah


    4 months ago