Peer Review by yapyapxy (Singapore)

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Blue bird

By: sKRUwriting


PROMPT: Open Prompt

For so long I've only ever seen my cage, and beyond it are the pretty walls with the pretty things that I cannot touch, or feel, only see, from afar.
For so long, I've only ever heard the sound of pretence. I've come to know it by its unnatural loudness, and obscurity.
For so long, all I've spoken is the song of flight. The one that escapes my parched throat, when my eyes are watery.
For so long, I've known but one love. The sight of the morning sun, shining through the window, between the branches and the leaves. The scent of freshly blossomed flowers. And the sound of my kind, calling out for me amidst the light.


Peer Review

This piece brought to mind the poem "Caged Bird" by Maya Angelou, and I would say this piece captures the very thoughts of the caged bird who sings of freedom. :')

P.S. If you're interested in reading the poem:
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/48989


The use of repetition of "for so long" draws out the dullness and weariness the bird feels, heightening the impact of the last line as the bird finally expresses their deepest desire.


"For so long, I've only ever heard the sound of pretence. I've come to know it by its unnatural loudness, and obscurity."

For the first paragraph, it is very clear where the blue bird lives; the third and fourth also clearly allude to what he wants but cannot get. For the referenced one, however, is the bird trying to highlight the vacuous or meaningless life he leads? "the sound of pretence" is quite vague to me, and also made a tad more confusing when described as "obscure". It makes me curious as to what sound it is that the bird hears.


Reviewer Comments

I loved the last line, as highlighted. I felt that the piece built up sufficiently well such that the impact at the end is maximised. Is there a reason why you chose a blue bird as the speaker? I feel that if you want to capture how unsuited this bird is to a life of captivity, a bird meant for the wild (or has connotations with freedom or the wild) may be more appropriate thematically.

This review is also in part to thank you for your kind and thoughtful reviews! I know how much each review means and I certainly enjoyed reading and reviewing this piece. Hope you keep writing too!! All the best and keep up the good work :')