Peer Review by And_The_Stars_Laughed (United States)

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I Am

By: Writing4Life



I am the whisper of the sleepy trees.

I am the buzz of the tireless bees.


I am the rush of the water fountain.

I am the heart of the colossal mountain.



I am the cry of the lone wolf.

I am the strike of the horse's hoof.


I am the dirt stirred by the sighing devils.


I am the sting of the laughing nettles.


I am the laugh of the weeping hyena.

I am the strut of the gorilla diva.


I am the beat of the hummingbird's wings.

I am the song that nature sings.

Sighing devils a reference to Dust Devils.
I also decided to reference the hummingbird from the picture.

Message to Readers

oOoOoOhHhHh I'm actually particularly proud of this one....i like it ^u^
I kinda wanna record it....am I allowed to, or do I have to have permission? (pleeeaseeee review, that would mean A LOT)


Peer Review

First off, I love how you wrote a new "personification" in each line, and formatted this piece by grouping two "personifications" together. I also loved the rhymes that you included, they added a whole new level to the piece and made it so much fun to read! Sometimes when I read rhyming pieces I feel as if the author is trying to hard to rhyme and it doesn't really flow, but it was the exact opposite here!! All of the rhymes strung together excellently, and as I said before, made the piece a joy to read! My favorite stanza was: "I am the rush of the water fountain. / I am the heart of the colossal mountain." The reason I enjoyed these lines so much was because the two descriptions really contrast each other. A mountain is such a ginormous and tall formation, while a water fountain is quite small and mundane. Therefore, the contrast of these two things actually tied them together more -- nice work!! :)


Perhaps you could think about how it might impact your piece if you decided to delve farther into the aspect of sensory details and really immerse the reader in sights, sounds and smells to enhance your connection to nature? I understand that it would be difficult to add more due to the rhyming aspect but maybe you could think about finding a few places where you could write in some sensory details. Because you have so many shorter "personifications," you could possibly consider adding a longer, more descriptive "personification" at the end that really captures you in one stanza overall, and maybe this could be the place where you really flood your work with sensory details. I.e...what does the creature of nature you're talking about look like, sound like, smell like, feel like, etc? However, feel no need to take this suggestion. :)


Reviewer Comments

Overall, this was a really fun piece to read and review, I love the rhyming!!! Awesome work!!
If you have any questions about this review, feel free to let me know, and in the meantime, keep writing!! :)