Peer Review by Tula.S (Cuba)

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I Am

By: Writing4Life



I am the whisper of the sleepy trees.

I am the buzz of the tireless bees.


I am the rush of the water fountain.

I am the heart of the colossal mountain.



I am the cry of the lone wolf.

I am the strike of the horse's hoof.


I am the dirt stirred by the sighing devils.


I am the sting of the laughing nettles.


I am the laugh of the weeping hyena.

I am the strut of the gorilla diva.


I am the beat of the hummingbird's wings.

I am the song that nature sings.

Sighing devils a reference to Dust Devils.
I also decided to reference the hummingbird from the picture.

Message to Readers

oOoOoOhHhHh I'm actually particularly proud of this one....i like it ^u^
I kinda wanna record it....am I allowed to, or do I have to have permission? (pleeeaseeee review, that would mean A LOT)


Peer Review

I really liked this piece. You chose a lot of interesting adjectives, which is important because adjectives can be so cliché that when a writer uses them it should be for a purpose. I also think that you do a lovely job in the flow of the verses, that is, there are never any syllables or words or phrases out of place.


I think some of your lines are very un-cliché while others are a bit more cliché ("I am the cry of the lone wolf" or "I am the rush of the water fountain.") I might be going too far with this but I think that some of your other lines are very powerful because the reader does not expect them. The sighing devils, the gorilla diva, these lines surprised me. I would definitely say to stick with these images; they work much more beautifully in the poem. Don't avoid clichés entirely, but find the right time for them. I hope that makes sense.


Reviewer Comments

I wonder why you identify with the song that nature sings. I guess we all do, in a way, but I think it's interesting that you would pick nature in general rather than a specific element.