Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
i like the structure of this piece - you use a lot of incomplete sentences/fragments, and it makes me think of snapshots, or looking through photographs.
the last two lines are a bit confusing for me - why does he wish on Jupiter's moons, rather than his own? why is jupiter the only planet mentioned? who is "the maker of his dreams"? also, could you expand the space metaphor a bit more? there's so much to explore with this concept, it feels like you've cut it a bit short.
thank you for sharing! i really enjoyed this piece. let me know if you want me to review another version of this piece, or any other piece you write - i'm always happy to help!