Peer Review by And_The_Stars_Laughed (United States)

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the moonboy

By: dovetrees


FREE WRITING

mangata - a swedish word for the reflection of the moon on water, the sea. a shimmering road that stretches far beyond the horizon. 
a road for the moonboy to run, jump, and skip over. to trip and fall, and stand back up. the same moonboy who hops over the clouds and waves to the stars, happy and content and seemingly alone. but he's not. 
the moonboy speaks to the moon, in the language of the stars, guessing the secrets of the sun and singing the ballad of cassiopea as his voice rings out through the galaxy, admired by many, for he is the giver of joy. 
and then he walks along the road of moonlight on the sea, awaiting the sunrise and his next adventure through the stars. he says 'good day!' to the moon while they both part ways. 
until the next sunset, where he wakes with a smile. 
the world is peaceful and calm, as the moonboy wishes on jupiter's moons
for one day, he will meet the maker of his dreams. 

(ignore: 281018) hello!! it's late right now and i miss the stars, so here's this piece that looks like poetry and imagery had a game of bumper cars to the death. any feedback is golden! once again, i am so grateful for all of your kind comments! :)

Peer Review

First off, your imagery was absolutely incredible!! Throughout this entire piece, I felt as if was surrounded by the beautiful landscape that you describe. Your use of language (verbs/adjectives/nouns) is so well-thought out and created such a graceful and alluring tone. In a way, this piece seems as if it could be a folk-tale passed on through generations, something that you might hear before you go to bed at night, something that evokes sweet, peaceful dreams. My favorite line was probably the last one: "for one day, he will meet the maker of his dreams." The reason I loved this line so much was because it left me utterly speechless -- it closed out the piece perfectly yet left me wanting to know more about the "moon boy." Awesome work!!


If you were to expand this piece, or continue writing it, perhaps you consider thinking about what impact it might create on your piece if you wrote in more details about the "moonboy" himself. He's sort of this mysterious yet fascinating character, and so what I'm wondering is how he came to be, how he came to exist? Is he simply a metaphor, a figment of a child's imagination, does he show up in somebody's dream, or is he, in fact, a "concrete" entity? How do you think it might affect this piece if you were to add/expand on the "moonboy?" However, feel no need to consider this thought/suggestion, it's just something that came to my mind. :)


Reviewer Comments

Overall, this was a really fun piece to read and review, your imagery is spectacular!! Amazing job!!
If you have any questions about this review, feel free to let me know, and it the meantime, keep writing! :)