Peer Review by And_The_Stars_Laughed (United States)

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The Last Crow

By: CrazyNinjaKid


FREE WRITING


Jet black feathers curve over the body, twigged legs hang weakly. The skies are full of dark clouds, a distinct smell of drainage fills the valley side. Plants droop over, their petals drowned as they kiss the ground, buried in the filth. 

The crow is perched to a dying tree, the branch faintly, cracking but is able to support the nearly unnoticeable weight of the crow. It's eyes are positioned upwards, a biting gleam of mystery is glowing ravenously through them. 

He begins to descend downwards, to the crisp grass that is a shade of grief; grey with only a few blades having a visible glimpse of green.

His eyes scan, overlooking what used to be home.

Home. The word burns at the back of his throat. Tortures it. 

He imagines how it used to be, with the valleys full of life. 

Now it was dying.

He couldn't let himself fall into death's manipulative grasp.

But how could he do that if he already knew deep down that this ship had sail?

First Published: 21/JUL/2020
Word CountL 172

Message to Readers

Wrote this in the 15 min warm up this morning in my writing class. Prompt was crow.


Peer Review

I absolutely love the vivid detail in this piece -- your imagery is spectacular!! The first two paragraphs, especially the line "plants droop over, their petals drowned as they kiss the ground, buried in filth" really immersed me in the world that the crow lives in, and made me feel as if I was there. I also like how you personified the crow in a way, as I was able to see his feelings. It made me feel more connected the crow as I felt as if I was experiencing the fear and the anger/confusion that is pulsing through him as he contemplates the fact that he is "The Last Crow." The line "He couldn't let himself fall into death's manipulative grasp" was striking and emotional, it really tied all of the crows feelings together. Awesome work!! :)


This is simply an idea, but perhaps you could consider what impact it might have on your piece if you went even farther into the crow's feelings? Recently, I read an article about how crows remember human faces -- their memories are photographic (it's true!!). They remember who's hurt them, they remember who's crossed them, they remember who's fed them. Maybe you could tie this fact into this piece that you've written and could perhaps say something about the crow's thirst for vengeance, if he has any? If you were to expand this piece and turn it into a longer story, I'd love to see you tie in some facts about crows to really enhance the piece, however, feel no need to. I just thought that it was cool and I happened to read the article the other day so I thought I'd let you know. Also, I just noticed a few places where you shifted from present-tense to past-tense, etc. I highlighted them as well. :)


Reviewer Comments

Overall, this was a really fun piece to read and review -- I love how you personified the crow!!
If you have any questions about this review, feel free to let me know, and in the meantime, keep writing!! :)