Ahsan Nizaam

Sri Lanka

-Writer/poet/speaker/ any thing I have the will or drive to become-
-Sri Lankan (Points for knowing where this is)-
-Facing the end-

Message from Writer

Happiness is a choice and Strength comes from pain. What I am saying is 'If you choose to be happy in the face of pain, Strength is what follows'

A Necromantic Letter

July 20, 2020

To all the cockroaches I’ve killed,
I know it’s a grave sin, and I’m not proud of it. I know you were having a very intimate moment. The darkness, oddly comforting. And your comrades, ever protective standing in attendance so that the predators of the insect world wouldn’t get a hold of you. You were standing back to back dreaming of a future with hundreds of little cockroaches populating this little bathroom and making home in the holes that the ants stupid enough built. I knew it was perfect. The damp floor, easily good enough to be a satva mattress. The steady trickling of the loosely closed pipe adding a pleasant rhythm to the background. Exactly combining with well, your intimacy.
Each and everything of this perfectly manicured paradise went with a click. The sound of dread, pain and hell. The florescent light filled the little bathroom. In it, it was entirely a sun of its own. It attracted eager little flies forging the phoenix that flies to the sun and back. But the comforting darkness was no more.
Now, enter I, the antagonist, the dragon, devil, monster all rolled into one. I was having a very bad day. It was the worst of its kind. On that fateful day, I woke up at 6:45 and catching the school bus was a past. Leaving me with the only option of thronged up public busses that makes me wish that somehow I could remove my nose and lock it up for safe keeping. But, alas such luxuries were only wishes and hopes. The bus driver an extremely friendly man I found out to be was having the time of his life with his buddies. He stopped as soon as he saw another driver and proceeded to have their mandatory chit chat that came with a promise of a beer and football night at his home. Through this speedy journey I reached school at 7:45 when I should have been at class at 7:30. The thing about our school is you come early or you come very late. I should have considered loitering in the park as an option although the keeper would be bound to come chasing me with his handy broomstick. But to my extreme misfortune not only did I get caught but by the most venomous teacher to have wandered the halls of our 200-year-old history. Ironically he was a history teacher but most importantly his name sounded like euphoria but there wasn’t a single strand of warmth in his cold grey eyes. His face as far as I know was like a terribly prepared strawberry jam bun. I don’t know how but he had large red spots in his face which made his already hideous face unbearable to even look at. He being the self-appointed disciplinary inspector noticed a little stubble on the underside of my chin and taking to that I was already into trouble proceeded to drag me to the middle of the ground by the strands of my hair where the fellow misfortunates were already assembled. All the way he commented that if I had shortened my hair according to school rules he wouldn’t be able to have a grip on my already short hair. He made us kneel till ten and me being the heavy sinner was made to kneel till noon. I could easily have taken the day off but my misplaced thirst of knowledge made me attend school. Which I regretted extremely.
I was tired, angry and frustrated. Nevertheless, I got home and went to class hoping that it would be god enough to lighten my mood. How wrong I was. I started talking to the girls, since our teacher still hadn’t come. The conversation god knows how changed to ‘Lying.’ My friend took this opportunity to bring me to justice. He told them how I lied to them last week; Certainly to impress them. This began a competition of tease and torment. Which left me at a great disadvantage because I had no means to retort or evade their witty pangs. As all this wasn’t enough dad chose that day to explain responsibility and mom the importance of studying six hours a day. It was well, long. It robbed me of the time to watch the episode of Riverdale that was to be the last.
To end my not so glorious day I stepped in to the bathroom. What I saw was an opportunity to take out my anger and built up frustration. My eyes scanned everything. Two interlocked in the south west corner. Three by the door sill. Another three on the floor and one on the pipe. THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! Etc. THWACK!
I got hold of the bathroom slippers before any of you could react and proceeded to assault the three of you on the ground, because you could make a bee line to the door. The one in the pipe was taking off adding fear to my already fired up anger. Which in turn made me alert and reflexive. You went down with a clap. The three on the sill were trying the corners which turned out to be impossible. I used this opportunity to demonstrate the art of squishing to my imaginary audience. But the guilt I feel is because of you too. The interlocked ones. I should have finished both of you but only one met your demise in this worn blue slipper. You the one alive suffered the most. The weight of your partner partly stuck to the ground demolished the chance of any freedom although short lived it may be. I couldn’t let you meet your demise in the hands of the ants who would eat you alive. Out of guilt and finding myself frustrated more than ever brought the end down on you.
I’m not justifying my deed. In my own roundabout way. I’m extremely sorry to have been insensitive as to sentence you all to death just because I was in a bad mood.
Thankyou (Even though you’ll never get to rea it.)
A really sorry boy drowning in guilt.


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  • July 20, 2020 - 9:41am (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • anemoia (#words)

    wow ok just found this cause i was replying and got interested in this
    it made me laugh at first, but then i felt genuinely sorry for the cockroaches. you write so vividly, it made me feel like everyone in the story was fully alive. well, except for the cockroaches. ack, i'm sorry, i didn't mean for that to be a terribly insensitive joke.
    question: did you really feel what you expressed in the letter?
    re: aw thank you. yes, there's this feeling of excitement and nervousness, taking a big step in the direction of a relationship

    4 months ago