Peer Review by And_The_Stars_Laughed (United States)

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Deep Sea Diver

By: Emily10202


FREE WRITING

I remember when
words were just incomprehensible
sounds against my ears,
a cacophony of consonants.
The syllables rose like waves,
an ocean of letters,
the worldwide dictator
that all people acknowledge
but none will ever fully explore.
 
Then I learnt how to swim,
became a deep sea diver
surrounded by a beauty
I would never be able to drown in.
I learnt to breathe and bleed
words, to let them flow, ink,
against the harsh paper of reality.
The sea is my sanctuary,
peace, hope, life.
 
I remember when
I used to write in order to live,
but now
my words are a necessity,
a lifestyle,
and I write to survive
rather than just
to feel more alive.


Peer Review

First off, I love how you use the term of a "deep sea diver" to explain how you immerse yourself in words and literature. I think that it beautifully enhances the piece and really lets the reader understand the poem and where it is coming from. The language that you use is spectacular too, such as the phrases "a cacophony of consonants," "an ocean of letters," and, "I learnt to breathe and bleed / words..." Besides the great language, the conclusion also creates a satisfying ending point, as when I read it, I felt as if it wrapped up the piece perfectly, showing the reader the reason behind the speakers love for words and letters. And, the way that you formatted it into a separation of three stanzas was very well done, as each stanza delved into a different topic per se, and contributed to the overall message of the poem. Nice work! :)


Perhaps you could think about the impact it might have on your piece if you decided to go deeper into the gritty detail behind "deep sea diving" for words -- behind writing. This may sound abstract, but how does it feel when you find the perfect word, how do the words "taste" when they roll off your tongue -- are the rough and scratchy, or soft and languid? What do they look like as you type them/write them down? Ultimately, what type of affect do you think it will have on the reader if you were to include even more details such as these, how may it add to the tone of your poem? However, these are just a few suggestions/thinking points off the top of my head so feel no need to omit to them. :)


Reviewer Comments

Overall, this was a really fun piece to read and review -- the idea of "deep sea diving" for words was wonderful!! Awesome work!!
If you have any questions about this review, feel free to let me know, and in the meantime, keep writing!! :)