Peer Review by Wicked! (India)

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gravity is a myth when you sing

By: happy butterfly


FREE WRITING

tanzanite drips from your tongue / vocal chords swim in smoothe liquid silver / the songs that spill from your chest / sound like rivers flowing up to the sky / gravity not acknowledged / nubivagant feeling / suddenly cold breath is beautiful / breathe imperfect pearls /

you crown me with your halo / silver halo / not gold / never gold / always silver.
your wings don't need to flap for you to fly / paint and mix colours together / that others say don't match / i thought art had no limits / we don't paint on a canvas / paint on the art itself

and who said we have to fly in the sky / we swim in the sky / rain sewed into ribbons / that tie our lungs together / synchronized breathing / 

honestly idk if my writing is improving or getting worse lol

Message to Readers

unedited 12am shmazz


Peer Review

This is such a wonderful piece! The imagery as well as diction here is gorgeous.


This piece could be expanded. The concept you have here is really good and the gorgeous imagery you've used complements it very well! I also think that your use of italics in this piece seems rather random. Italics definitely add to a piece when used well, but their usage seems somewhat arbitrary and casual, rather than deliberate.


Reviewer Comments

This is a beautiful piece and I enjoyed reviewing it. Do let me know if you have any questions! All the best with your writing :)