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the river collective
pfp made on picrew
i've given up on labeling my romantic orientation
joined september 2019

Message from Writer

"It's alright, it's okay. You're not a monster just human and you made a few mistakes,"
-It's Alright by Mother Mother

"One page of the bible isn't worth a life,"
-The Village by Wrabel

"A hundred bad days makes a hundred good stories and a hundred good stories makes me interesting at parties,"
-100 Bad Days by AJR

"I thought you had me in prison this whole time, but I'm the one holding the key."
-Intro III by NF

"But there's a moment when you realize parents aren't superheroes or villains. They're painfully, unforgivably human. The question is can you forgive them for being human anyway?"
-Dry by Neal Shusterman

"If I wait 'til my tomorrow comes is the waiting all I've ever done?"
-Ben Platt

i don't want to go to heaven

July 18, 2020



i don't want to go to heaven.

the idea of a sinless place sounds perfect, but nothing is perfect. heaven can't be perfect. imperfection makes us human, so if i go to heaven, will i no longer be human?

a place without grief, pain, or suffering sounds enticing. but if there's no pain, how could i ever experience true joy? if i can't remember the grief, then i can't remember the love from everyone around me that came with it. pain makes us stronger, so in heaven would i be the weakest version of myself?

if heaven's roads are paved with gold, then what would i have to work for? i need to strive, to aspire. if everything is handed to me then what joy could i possibly get out of an eternity there?

god advertises eternal life in heaven, but it's not much of a life when i can't experience the core of being alive: pain. pain goes hand in hand with love, and if pain isn't in heaven, then neither is love. i don't want to live for eternity without feeling. without burning passion that can destroy as much as it can heal. without the connection of suffering that brings together millions of people.

i don't want to go to heaven because heaven seems more like hell.
lowercase intentional.
i don't know what i believe right now, but i grew up in a christian household, and these are just my existential thoughts about this whole afterlife thing. i do not mean to offend in anyone or what you believe, this is just my thoughts, and i'll always listen to what you believe.


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  • July 18, 2020 - 9:38am (Now Viewing)

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  • G.Joy

    I feel the same about the whole heaven thing. Personally, I try not to think about it (which, from a clinical point of view, is probably not the best way to handle it??). I do trust God, but I dislike when people say I have to because to me, He doesn't seem to communicate. I think we are trying waaaaaaaay too hard to understand the after life. Actually, now that I think about it, in a way, you have worked for it. Heaven is your reward for living life. o-o
    i seriously haven't thought about that before and it's freaking me out XD
    Don't try and think about it too hard or you'll have a panic attack (like I did once)
    I hope things get better, I will be praying for you. <3

    11 months ago
  • sunny.v

    hello i'm a Catholic here but either way i'm looking at these comments and: guys. HelpMe512 didn't post this looking for a sermon. you are free to be proud of your faith and write about it, but don't go insisting to him that all he needs to do is seek God. i get it, i get the sentiment, i'm Christian as well. but personally, these comments come off as dismissive of his thoughts and more of a spiritual scolding.

    11 months ago
  • N.

    i'm here for the existential content. just reading the comments proves what a vast difference there is in how people perceive heaven, which frankly i find more interesting than the whole heaven business to begin with. i'm with you in that i'm not quite sure what i believe, because every culture and every religion has a different concept of the afterlife and i see no reason for one to be more valid than the others, you know? and if we all have different concepts, is there really a right one, or is the afterlife just our way of rationalizing death? you made some great points in this and i like the phrase "god advertises" because i think it's telling of today's religious leaders.

    11 months ago
  • Crazy Creationist!

    society today seems to make heaven out to be a place where we will have no fun and will sit around on clouds playing harps. But that is not the way that it is supposed to be. We will have mansions and fellowship with the people around us and we will be able to see people who have gone to Heaven before us. I think that in Heaven we will be able to do impossible things that we can never do on earth like walking on clouds and dancing on water. I have four siblings in Heaven (all older) and I cannot wait too meet them. Since God is our Creator and His Word says that He loves us then He wouldn't send us to a place that would be boring. He is going to send His beloved children to a place where we will always be happy and will finally feel welcome. No longer will I have to feel like an outcast or an alien because I will have finally left this hotel with too high of a rent to pay and will have gone to my home with my Father and my family. I'm sorry that you feel that God is a lowercase kind of god but I can assure that He is not. What other kind of god can part the Red Sea and love us the way that He does? What other kind of god can know how may hairs are on our head? What other kind of god can know exactly what I'm thinking before I think it? What other kind of god can know me before I exist? None. God is almighty and all powerful and I have to give Him props for putting up with all of our rejection for the past 6000 years

    11 months ago
  • Crazy Creationist!

    I definitely get why you feel the way the you do. But God created out ability to feel, and to be happy. He created our adrenal glands and He gave us the ability to be excited. Without pain, we will be able to experience joy in a way that we never have before. No it won't take away out humanity, it will restore it. Heaven will restore our humanity to the way that it was supposed to be before the Curse and before mankind sinned. I too long for the day when I will get to see my Heavenly Daddy face to face. I long for the day when He will tell me "Well done and Welcome Home"

    11 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    I understand your confusion. I am the same way—but I know that the human mind is incapable of truly understanding God's full glory. We question heaven because it is impossible here on earth, but with God, anything is possible. We will never be bored, we will never be sad, we will never be broken. I cant fathom it, but it is the same as not being able to understand how God has always existed. Our minds just cant understand anything that is "impossible". So yes, I get it. But I still long for the day I go to heaven.

    11 months ago
  • sci-Fi

    Love it! I've thought about this and it's really confusing. How can heaven be perfect? Even if it's filed with fun stuff, everyone gets bored eventually

    11 months ago
  • Dmoral

    uhmmmmmmmmmm, this is a lot to think about so early in the morning. but it makes sense and i understand where you're coming from. and my grandparents' house is VERY christian so it's like YOU BETTER BELIEVE OR BE SHUNNED and my parents house here is fairly religious, so i think they're beliefs have rubbed off on me. but this piece kind of opens me up and has me thinking...

    11 months ago
  • garbanzobeaniebabies

    I really enjoyed reading this, it's extremely thought-provoking and is something never really talked about or answered without making us feel bad about questioning it in the first place. It seems like this is something that's made you restless and while it helps you deliver emotion on a deeper level, I hope you soon find peace

    11 months ago
  • Katenewell

    Wow. Beautiful writing, I love this idea :)

    11 months ago
  • Maryam Q

    This is interesting, and I can see where you're coming from! As a Muslim I do believe in heaven and I guess I think of it as... If heaven really does exist it'll be something so different that we can't compare it to anything in this world. Just because there's grief and struggle in this world, doesn't mean there has to be. It's just all we've ever known? Anyway don't know if I'm making sense XD but that's how I see it.

    11 months ago
  • lindsmariebuck

    You literally put my thoughts into word form.

    11 months ago