Peer Review by Mr. Colin E. (United States)

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Writing Streak Week 1 Day 3

By: Smruti Swarupa Mahapatra


FREE WRITING

I resemble a page in God's book of poems 
But my alphabets are engraved in the sound of your words, my beloved.

Humming your name
The birds fly at dawn,
I repeatedly re-read
All your preserved letters and songs.

Your habits are safe with me
Your guidance is fresh in my mind.

My eyes
Are your shadow, my beloved
On Euterpe's melody,
I sing and tell tales, my beloved.

I stay lost in my world all the time
I dance wearing the smell of your fragrance every time.

I dance wearing the smell of your fragrance every time.
 


Peer Review

What surprised and delighted me about this piece was the utterly moving romantic tone of the poem, especially with how the protagonist is so in love with her partner even though they're far apart and the word choice was quite excellent too, especially with "On Euterpe's melody,", which is perfect since she's the goddess of music.


Was this based on a real life experience with a partner of yours, what with the current virus and separation, or a random thought entirely? Also, in terms of deepening some of the writing, perhaps try going into some more detail about the relationship between the two lovers because while it's apparent the two love each other a lot, you don't go into a lot of detail. This would really give the poem some depth. However, this is merely a suggestion and you don't have to take it.


Reviewer Comments

Greetings and salutations Smruti Swarupa Mahapatra, it's your friendly neighborhood Senior Peer Reviewer and I very much enjoyed reviewing this piece of yours. Your word choice was most excellent and while there are some things in need of improvement, it's still really great for a first draft. I encourage you to keep writing and have a wonderful day! Top notch work!