Dmoral

United States

est. 2018
she/her | taurus
old soul of a published writer.

junior | light-skinned/mixed
attempting to read all the classics i can.

Message to Readers

a tad melodramatic

only best friends can break you like this

August 1, 2020

FREE WRITING

8

Lovers never broke me, no, they’ve only ever hurt me:
& yes, / it took me this long to realize it now,
& yes, / it took a true breaking for me to see it,
& yes, / it took crying on the bathroom floor,
& yes, / it took me not wanting to tell anyone my pain.,
& yes, / it took me realizing my pain came from you.


                                          You a̶r̶e̶ were my best friend.

Playing the game was four years wasn’t long enough:
                         i. text last, never first, don’t let them leave you unread
                        ii. always call back, as soon as you can
                                   those are the rules of the game, sign your friend’s name
                                                x.________________________

’Cause, i made those rules back on the day i stole your number from a friend:
& yes, / i did break rule number one ’cause i can only last hours of waiting for your text that you’ll never send,
& yes, / i did call you first and you never did, most times when i hung up you wouldn’t call back,
& yes, / i did never tell you about this game since it was embarrasing to think texting was a science,
& yes, / i did silently know every girl knows these rules ’cause loving boys is harder than planning out a life without them in it,
& yes, / i did blame myself whenever i felt like too much for you to handle and spent those nights crying.


I h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶e̶n̶ was playing the long game from the moment we met:
                         i. our pact was made at fifteen, promising eternity if need be
                         ii. photos and trinkets, and hand written letters- sent to each other
                                   i never realized i was the won who signed your name
                                                x. t̶o̶g̶e̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶e̶v̶e̶r̶

And tonight, it’s all over, I regain my control again:
& yes, / I destroyed all the presents you ever dared to give,
& yes, / I destroyed our photos that decorated the room to burn them,
& yes, / I destroyed every message and call by (simply) deleting them,
& yes, / I destroyed the image I feed my parents about you for so long,
& yes, / I destroyed my love that I refuse to ever share again.


Boyfriends and wannabes never hurt me even a fraction of how you did:
                         i. keep never telling your new girlfriend(s?) about me
                         ii. ignore me as you do (unless i was the one to message first)
                                   i’ll forget your name for as long as i live
                                                x. ?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶?̶

But you’ll never read this anyway.
Hope the formatting's okay.
Finished: 7/14/2020
When the best friend you made a pact with (to get married & have kids if 36 and have no family) gets a girlfriend without telling you, never calls you back, and stops talking to you. So yes, this is very angry, very angsty, and very very pure hatred. Aka, he can go to he'll now. I wish I was gay, girls treat me way better. But it seems, I am not immune to the male species and only find interest (which I soon regret) in them. *Sighs*

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  • August 1, 2020 - 8:18pm (Now Viewing)

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3 Comments
  • rainandsonder

    i wish i was anywhere close to as eloquent as chrysanthemums, i second every single thing she said. this is aching and cathartic to read, and i really hope that you have other friends in your life that are better than this one. excellent work!


    29 days ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    "those are the rules of the game, sign your friend’s name" rhymes like this are just so incredibly well placed; it brings a whole new layer to this piece. the formatting works!

    the repetition of "& yes" is simply. the use of of a conjunction usually works as a way to make the reader read faster, but the 'yes' plugs us firmly back into reality. it's phrased in a way that's impossible to ignore and very very well done. usually i skip over the repetitive parts, but i found myself reading every "& yes" that popped up.

    the opening is so strong and opens this heartwrenching piece brilliantly. the use of strikethrough throughout also emphasizes that you're tearing down what was already there. and god, this piece is so raw, so filled to the brim with a distinct air of pure angry regret—not because you did wrong in this relationship but because you feel like you were wrong for ever starting it in the first place (at least that's what i wrought out?).

    this piece is so damn powerful and absolutely guttural. unconsciously, i was evaluating my own relationships with friends throughout reading this piece. your rage and pure unadulterated emotion managed to transcend writing and reach me and hopefully many more people.

    Queen, i hope the next decision you make brings you happiness <3333


    about 1 month ago
  • Aussieinthehouse123

    This is amazing. You know there are some poems where they just read your mind this is one of them. I really hope things get better cause I get it I’ve had some really crappy friends. My best friend literally pushed me off my staircase on purpose. I broke my leg. Thanks for reading good luck


    about 1 month ago