Peer Review by And_The_Stars_Laughed (United States)

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they whisper summer and it shoves gold into their hands

By: Eblinn


they dance in the light of the orange sun; eighty-five cent soda dripping down their fingers; don't pluck the grass is red shirt's anthem; braiding daisies in their hair is white boots' love song; and laughing with both is purple hat's hymn; as she blows dandelion seeds in their faces; and plants an apple tree where their ankles touch the ground; the checker red-white picknick blanket catches their blushes; bubbles escape; form clouds in the twilight sky; a haze of humid drenches their skin; flower petals stick to their nose; soaked clothes wrap around their giggles; at home, fresh towels remind of slipping; falling into each other's arms; screeches lit by sepia street lamps; foggy glasses shielding eyes from umbrella pokes; lifting their heads up to the soft ticks of freedom and youth; until their eyes met again and they breathed the same golden summer aftertaste. 


Peer Review

I think that the semicolons enhance the piece in that it adds to the warm, nostalgic, summer feeling -- they seamlessly tie every sentence together. While I was reading this piece, I felt as if I was there, as your descriptions and rhythm were so wonderfully done!! I especially enjoyed the subtle details you added to the piece, such as the phrases "eighty-five cent soda," "sepia street lamps," and "golden summer aftertaste." You really have a way with painting pictures in your words!! Awesome job!!
I also think that the semicolons added more of a poetic tone to the piece which is what really brought out the beautiful details you wrote in, nice work!


The only suggestion I have would be to perhaps check if your clauses are independent or dependent. Each clause on either side of a semicolon is supposed to independent, therefore, it can stand alone. I noticed a few dependent clause (a.k.a. fragments) in your piece, and I highlighted them with possible ideas of how to make it an independent clause. However, the website Grammarly is also a great free resource that I use daily, if you were wondering more about independent/dependent clauses. This doesn't take away from the incredible descriptions or the flow of this piece, however, I just thought I should let you know. :)


Reviewer Comments

Overall, this was a really fun piece to read and review, I love the vivid descriptions, and the warm/nostalgic tone!! Incredible job!
If you have any questions about this review, feel free to let me know, and in the meantime, keep writing!! :)