pineapples

United States

Pineapples
I love reading and writing (obviously)
he/they, they/them preferred

"have I killed my thoughts right before their prime?
have I bit my tongue one too many times?
have I said it all the way I really meant to?"
~ben platt

Message from Writer

Refer to these pieces when you need more info on the LGBTQIAP+ community:
ON A-SPEC ERASURE:
https://bit.ly/2ZZ3wzD

On genders out of the binary of male and female:
https://bit.ly/3gMkJDl

Basic definitions of sexual orientations:
https://bit.ly/38Nn91w

On the difference between romantic and sexual attraction:
https://bit.ly/2DsW2xb

a-spec erasure.

July 11, 2020

FREE WRITING

7

A-spec ignorance and a-spec erasure are some of the worst things in the LGBTQIAP+ community, and it is not addressed nearly enough. These subjects are left mostly untouched largely due to the fact that a lot of people just do not understand asexuality, and some people believe that asexuality should not exist on the LGBTQIAP+ spectrum. 

There is, of course, a big problem with that. First of all, something many ignorant and uneducated (on the matter of sexual orientation, I'm not trying to attack anyone) people get wrong is this - the fact that they don't understand something does NOT equate to it's invalidity. You do not have to understand everything for everything to be true. 

Let's start with a definition of some a-spec identities. This is a fairly chunky and big piece to tackle. Let's just get it out of the way.

    Aromantic - Aromantic people are people who experience little to no romantic attraction.

    Asexual - Asexual people experience little to no sexual attraction. 

    Aromantic asexual (aroace) - People that are aromantic are commonly also asexual, and vice versa (but not always). This is why this shortening has appeared - aroace. It describes someone who is both aromantic and asexual. 

    A-spec - This is an umbrella term for everyone that falls under that asexual spectrum (there are other identities, such as graysexual, demisexual, and of course, asexual.)

    Celibacy and abstinence - Some people do not understand that being asexual and being celibate are different. Being celibate is the decision not to have sex, while asexuality means that someone has no desire to have sex. 

It is very important that all a-spec people are aware that they are valid, and there is a whole community out there that respects and understands and supports them. 

It's also good to be aware that many people believe that asexuality is "just a phase" or simply doesn't exist. You might hear things such as "I used to think I was asexual, but I realized I was wrong." That much is okay. People realize new things about themselves as they grow, and it's okay that they were wrong before. What is wrong is this: "I used to think I was ace, but it was just because I was young. Asexuality doesn't exist." While it's okay to acknowledge that you used to think something about yourself, this does not give you the right to attack the pride and existence of others around you. 

For anyone who doesn't really understand a-spec erasure, here's a bit of a brief overview: 

Why: People believe that asexual people should not be a part of the LGBTQIAP+ community, because asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction rather than a different one from heterosexuality. 

Why that's stupid: The LGBTQIAP+ community is supposed to encompass everyone outside of the gender binary and who is not heterosexual. This community does not exist to discriminate, it exists to highlight people that are not cis, straight people. A-spec people are most definitely not straight, and it does not make sense that they are excluded, because by excluding, we are discriminating against a definite sexual minority. 

Why: People believe that asexual people are mentally ill and that their incapability to feel sexual attraction is a disability. People may also think that asexual people cannot love.  

Why that's stupid: Sexual attraction/love is not the only form of love that exists, and asexual people are completely capable of loving. And why is sex such a default that to not want it is to be mentally ill or disabled? This is simply not the case. 


For any young a-spec people who have had to face any sort of a-spec erasure or discrimination, I think it's important that you know that there are people out there. There are adults out there who are ace. Or a-spec. Yes, it might just be a label that you were incorrect about and maybe you'll find a different label for yourself. But don't let people who do not understand asexuality weigh in on whether you are asexual or a-spec. There is a whole other community out there that will respect and understand you. You just have to first get past the ignorant. 

It is very important that people don't feel guilty about who they are, and a-spec erasure is a very damaging thing that can cause this guilt. Erasure causes people to start to believe that they shouldn't exist or that they should feel guilty about who they are or that this was just going to be a phase, and it's really important that these negative feelings don't exist in a-spec people. But as of now, a-spec erasure runs rampant with barely anyone trying to stop it, and it's very important that people respect and try to understand a-spec people. 

If you do not believe that aphobia and a-spec erasure exists, let me put it this way: some of the things done to asexual people just for being asexual are unrepeatable on Write the World. For more information, look it up. 

A-spec people exist and are an important facet of the LGBTQ community, and if you do not believe they exist, you are simply aphobic, and you cannot get upset at being called that.

 
I based this off of a (476 word!!!) comment that I posted on HelpMe512's wonderful and heartfelt piece, why is my identity erased
I'm really sorry, I didn't realize that the comment was that long (the comment box doesn't grow, so I didn't think I was writing that much :/)
And, HelpMe512, I really hope it's okay that I post this. If you aren't comfortable or you'd like me to take it down for ANY reason, please let me know, and I will immediately do so. <3

Also, to anyone, let me know if I missed something I should've added :)

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  • July 11, 2020 - 7:01pm (Now Viewing)

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2 Comments
  • Charisse Marison

    This is so important. Asexuality is COMPLETELY valid and it's ridiculous that people say it's a mental illness. Like, what?! Thank you for posting this and raising awareness <3


    2 months ago
  • HelpMe512

    Thank you so so much for writing this. I think it's amazing how you're educating people and spreading awareness. No need to take it down; people need to see this. Seeing things like this makes me feel so valid, and I hope it can do the same for someone else. :)


    5 months ago