HelpMe512

United States

Ace
He/Him
Transphobes stay out
Joined September 2019

"If I wait 'til my tomorrow comes, is the waiting all I've ever done?"
-Ben Platt

Message from Writer

"It's alright, it's okay. You're not a monster just human and you made a few mistakes,"
-It's Alright by Mother Mother

"One page of the bible isn't worth a life,"
-The Village by Wrabel

"I thought you had me in prison this whole time, but I'm the one holding the key,"
-Intro III by NF

"A hundred bad days makes a hundred good stories and a hundred good stories makes me interesting at parties,"
-100 Bad Days by AJR

If you have any other song lyrics to put on the quote board shoot me a comment and I'll gladly put them on!

why is my identity erased

July 12, 2020

FREE WRITING

18

there was a video
and i was overjoyed
because the creator
was just like me

they were a
panromantic asexual
person

i went to the comments
expecting joy
and support
like usual
but instead i got flooded
with hate

i thought i was ace when i was in middle school
but i was just a kid

why would you say that
and make the young people
like me
who identify as ace
feel like they're not valid
you're making me feel
like i shouldn't be the way i am

i used to use the labels panromantic ace
but now i'm just bi

because micro-labeling
is bad
why would you say this
and make people like me
who want to be specific
and comfortable with their labels
feel like they just want attention
you're making me feel
guilty for wanting to be comfortable

pan is just spicy bi
pan is biphobic
pan doesn't exist

just stop
please
i don't feel comfortable
as bi
because bi and pan
are not the same

now i feel like
i shouldn't exist
and although i know
they're just words
and words from a stranger
shouldn't bother me
these words shook me
to my core
because if the very community
i'm in
erases my existence
than how can i expect
to find support
anywhere
lowercase intentional
this is a vent piece and now i'm crying because i've been told that my identity is not something that should exist, and i'm second-guessing myself.

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  • July 12, 2020 - 9:46pm (Now Viewing)

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16 Comments
  • AbellePuppy34

    You're worth so much more than any person in the world could tell you! I know this is an old post but still, hang in there! You got this. :)


    1 day ago
  • Maya'sTired

    I too would like to share love and support to you, Rowan.
    Story time: I've been flat out told that I would "change my mind when I got older" when I came out as bi, as if it were a choice I was making. The person it question wasn't completely wrong because it turned out I was pan, but that was just a change in my identification, not my identity. I was always going to be pan, it was just a matter of being exposed to the term and clicking with it.
    I am so glad that you have found your identity, Rowan, and if that title ever changes, it's not that "it was just a phase" or "it wasn't a real thing", but that you've found an even better identification for yourself. The people who try and have tried to erase your identity likely don't understand this, and that's their loss. To echo everyone else here, you are valid in your identity and no one can take it away from you. Please trust yourself.


    5 months ago
  • outoftheblue

    You are valid and so, so brave Rowan.
    Hang in there. <3


    5 months ago
  • Bookworm101

    Hey, as someone who identifies as pansexual, and often has to explain that to others, I get where you're coming from, although they're different. Hang in there! You DO exist, you CAN identify as whatever you feel, and nobody can or should try to take that away from you.


    5 months ago
  • EliathRose

    Oh, how I hate it when people do that. It makes me so mad, especially when they use the argument, "this is what makes the LGBTQ+ community look bad! All these tiny labels!" Such hypocrisy.
    Anyway, you are completely valid and loved. I've identified as panromantic ace in the past (not sure what I define as anymore lol) and I've seen this crap, too. Your identity is something that is totally allowed to exist. If you ever need to talk about anything, I'm right here. <3


    5 months ago
  • crow_e

    you and your identity are valid and you are loved <3 stay strong


    5 months ago
  • Cressida

    No matter what other commenters might state, your identity will ALWAYS be valid. Pansexuality/being panromantic is valid, being asexual/aromantic is valid, being BOTH is valid! Above all, be who you want to be and claim an identity that you identify with. Others might disagree with it, stating it’s childish ignorance, but honestly? They don’t understand what YOU are going through and who you are. If it feels right, if you identify with it, then it is right, no matter what anyone else might say about it. Your identity exists, and it is valid.
    And the comments can be degrading, and yeah, it really hurts, but for every person who refuses to understand who you are and for every person who ignores your identity and demeans it, I bet there’s another person out there who will except you and your identity and respect it and love you for it.
    You are valid.


    5 months ago
  • pineapples

    Replying (I'm so SORRY I KEEP REPLYING TO THIS PIECE :/)
    I have heard the term enby, it just completely slipped my mind when I was writing that piece. thanks so much :)


    5 months ago
  • Aussieinthehouse123

    Being a non binary potato I 100% agree. For some people your gender label and pronouns are important, for some people the sexuality label is important, for others it isn’t. Just because someone says your not valid that doesn’t mean the rest of the world thinks that. My sister is bi and I came out as non binary and thinking about fully transitioning, and well she want very accepting. I am a very feminine person, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel completely with my gender. There will always be people who are rude and invalidating, even in the community, but no matter what the acceptance of yourself is way more important than the acceptance of others.


    5 months ago
  • pineapples

    Replying: I'm so glad!!! I am ALWAYS here to support you and anyone else that needs it :)


    5 months ago
  • pineapples

    okay, aroace ignorance and aroace erasure are some of the worst things in the LGBTQ community, and it's not addressed enough because, once again, ignorance and people think it doesn't exist.
    Ignore those comments, okay. Some people don't understand the difference between bi and pan, and some people don't care about the difference, and label themselves as both, but what's really important is how you label yourself. MANY people understand the difference between pan and bi, and even the people that don't should respect the people that know what they're talking about.
    you know what, stick to the creator of the video, not the hateful comments. other people are probably feeling the same way you are,(including the creator) and just hold onto that. there are other people like you. (clearly, if the creator identifies as panromantic ace)
    and you know, you're right, it's so hurtful when people say "i said I was ace, but it was just a phase, and it doesn't exist," or something along those lines. I'm sure there are adults out there who fully understand asexuality are might be ace themselves. (i'm on the aspec) once again, ignore the haters and the ignorant. I know that's difficult, but just know that there's a wonderful community out there who DOES understand you.
    and you're right. people should be able to be as specific with their labels as they want. I also used to identify (before I realized a lot of other stuff out, but that's a story for another time) with a really specific sexual orientation (omniromantic abro), and I still have a pretty non-well known sexual orientation (it's different though). These people are completely allowed to not "microlabel" themselves and generalize their own sexual orientations, but they need to respect those that feel more comfortable with more specific labels. I remember feeling like I should just identify as gay just because people wouldn't understand me, and those are the feelings that shouldn't exist but do because of haters and ignorant people. LABEL YOURSELF HOW YOU WANT TO.
    DO NOT BELIEVE THEM WHEN THEY SAY THESE THINGS. Don't be guilty about who you are. Don't feel like you shouldn't exist. I know it's hard, and that people in this community sometimes don't really acknowledge aroace people, but just understand, that's not the whole community. There are lovely people out there. Just leave these ignorant people behind.
    I really hope you are okay, I'm here for you, you are valid!
    This was a really long comment, but I meant every word <3
    Aromantic people and asexual people exist and are an important facet of the LGBTQ community, and if you do not believe they exist, you are simply acephobic, and you cannot get upset at being called that.
    It's hard, but hang in there! I'm really sorry this happened, I hope it gets better soon.


    5 months ago
  • Wisp

    Hey. This world will always look down on people, no matter what they identify as, or how they look, or what they have. It's hard, believe me I've been there, but if there's anything I've learned during my existence, it's that you don't live for others, you live for yourself. And I think you already figuring out your identity is something worthwhile. It doesn't matter what that comment section said, because you know who you are better then anyone else out there. You are you, and that is a beautiful thing.
    Sending support to wherever you are.


    5 months ago
  • Nopenoonehere

    whats pan :?
    but nevertheless I don't see why you aren't valid
    i probably shouldn't have commented on this, but please don't be sad


    5 months ago
  • mia_:)

    you are so valid! those strangers don't know what they're talking about. i'm so sorry that happened <3


    5 months ago
  • rainandsonder

    as someone who's also trans (non-binary) but identifies as bi, let me say that pan absolutely is a valid sexuality. the pan/bi communities are similar but not the same. i can't believe that some people think that discoursing about pansexual, asexual, or non-binary identities is somehow a good and productive thing to do when we should be focusing on uniting our community and fighting against the issues that we all face. there are even still people who think that we should "drop the T" or that bisexuality isn't a real thing. it's completely ridiculous and i'm sorry that that comment section was like that.


    5 months ago
  • lindsmariebuck

    Sadly, there are always going to be people like that. I'm so sorry you had to read that, You are who you are. And you are whoever you want to be. If something "doesn't exist" it does as soon as you make it. I hope you feel better. This is a wonderful piece!


    5 months ago