United States

est. 2018
she/her | junior
semi active; chaotic life.
published writer + classics enthusiast.
obsessed with name titled poetry & songs.

Message from Writer

i'm known for my long freakin' comments and highlight crazy reviews, but like seriously? life's been to crazy y'all, so bear with me, please.

if i call you "love" or "lovely" that's just how i talk, so don't freak out lol

toxic relationships are all we know: mutualism

July 13, 2020



i think my body’s an illusion
'cause whenever i'm with you it's like each thought evaporates
as my  body consumes you as though you're my everything;
and love, you are & that's the problem, since i only knew
this true, when i realized i loved starting fights with you.

and every word you spit at me, simply landed at my feet, 
though, i never knew why i picked them up as though
they were jewels, shoving them down my throat hoping
they'd hide until i could use them against you, yes,
my favorite pain of yours is when it's my willing with your doing.

but now, my heart's bleeding rubies and my hands are too
scarred from fighting with you to try and catch them; no,
i can't do this anymore-yet, i already tried replacing you
and he was too kind and there was not enough passion to make me avoid
thinking about you: it felt like cheating, and cheating on you
hurt me too.

slowly and gently that's how you broke me.

your nail scraps the skin along my backbone, and
darling, if there wasn't skin under your nails, perhaps,
i'd love it more; but no, the blood dripping down is
mine and yours alone, and all i want to  know is why,
we find (secret) joy in the way we scream and fight?

everything started as a light-hearted competition, then things
move too fast and our eyes blinded each other, and
i learned to realize there is such thing as too much passion
for it to mean anything (truly). & when (i overheard) you claim to
love  another, i left before you officially found the courage
to tell me; yes, i'd prove to you what you're missing: soon, you'd
want me to be your everything.

perhaps starting fights with your new lover was the reason
behind our disaster, but don't believe i'd ever tell you
as though it were truth; it's you to blame, for you can't have
two lovers, our life together shouldn't be a game. so as i
hold you in my arms and scream into your ear the facts about my
suffering and pain as you abused me, i'll even remind you of
the girl i (pretended to) fancy, as a way to create your jealousy.

i've loved you since i met you, shouldn't our cliche be working?

together and forever are defined different in each of our dictionaries,
and we both cried over each other and vain when the other
wanted more; yes, we were to blame behind each other's miseries
and bad comings: "i love you" was said far too many times yet
never enough. & even if we were both raised the same with love for
each other and growing up to become a part of one another, it's
our backgrounds and cultures and unknowings and dramatics and desires
that means we won't ever, be together, truly.

t̶i̶l̶ ̶d̶e̶a̶t̶h̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶u̶s̶ ̶p̶a̶r̶t̶  til death brings us unity
can't take credit for the first line, sorry, that's weirdo's all the way (hence the quotations in my bio), i just love it so much and wanted to try using it myself. all the other lines though are 100% mine. also, so very, loosely based on my (wtw) girlfriend chrysanthemums&ink's piece, it goes both ways: mutualism.

currently reading Wuthering Heights and have so many mixed emotions about it, like this classic novel is insane. the amount of hatred & suffering & "love" (as they say, but idk seems questionable to me) is like, out of this world. i read Pride & Prejudice a while ago (last year) and expected those vibes in Wuthering Heights----oh boy was i wrong. my *book bestie* friend and i are reading it at the same time (which i never do with people) and constantly talking over and analyzing everything and just trying to understand. i don't even have a favorite character, that's how wack this book is. but hey! it's definitely a classic novel and something you should read. because it breaks cliches and is a form of "reality tv" as my friend said. it's a mind breaker and thought creator for sure. anyway, if you've read the book (or currently reading it) let me know in the comments! because i definitely want to see your take on it and maybe start a mini convo (just no spoilers! i'm halfway through volume 2).


See History

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  • Wisp

    I should’ve known coming in, especially with the title, that this was going to be my breaking part, but perhaps the reason we indulge in such miseries is the very reason we consider them a misery. I’m not saying your piece is miserable, no it is so so so very far from that. I love the way you’ve taken this, from giving us their different viewpoints and adjoining them at the end. Every word is catastrophically delicate here and drips with such depth and pain. I would quote it, but you can’t quote an entire piece can you? The imagery with jewels were just so lovely and I adore the way you illustrate that yes, they do prize their fights as things of value. It’s just resplendent. Infatuation with your writing is what I have, and I read your pieces almost religiously I have to say.

    about 1 month ago
  • EliathRose

    I came here because it was based off of Wuthering Heights, which I’m reading right now. Definitely not disappointed. This is sooo pretty! I’m absolutely going to read it as soon as my class gets out, because I might get in trouble for being on my phone right now...

    3 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Thanks for sharing this with me! I ended up not being able to finish it because of how sensitive I can be to darker subjects (which is why I don't often write about them and rarely read them). But what I did read was really good! And thanks so much for your comment! The title is sort of growing on me, so unless I think of something epic (or someone else does), I'll probably just keep it.

    4 months ago
  • Stone of Jade

    this is so so so gorgeous thank you for recommending it to me!! so beautifully written and gives the same despairing vibe of forsaken, hated love that leaves me speechless. I absolutely am astonished by the beauty and power of that last line. So so so good

    4 months ago
  • inanutshell

    "i've loved you since i met you, shouldn't our cliche be working?" aw man. love this, the dual perspectives & the unity at the end really ties it together. the heartache and emotion really comes through beautifully as well

    also i read wuthering heights a few months ago & same! tbh i didn't like it, don't see how their "love" is even love, it's highly questionable & definitely like reality tv lol. but it's a favourite for so many people & i hope you like it!

    5 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    OMG whaaaaaaat i dont know what to say :0 so gooooood. I love it!!!

    5 months ago
  • pineapples

    just a tiny little bit speechless lol *laughs helplessly*
    this is literally sO gorgeous, each of the lines are BEAUTIFULLY composed, LOVE

    5 months ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    wth wth WTHHHHH *flips pc* WTH- (excuse my profanity please)
    i'm half honored and half embarrassed cuz i wrote that piece back too long ago to be proud of now and wow you created something absolutely brilliant out of it.
    wow, you just took their relationship and took a knife to it bc THERE ARE SO MANY LAYERS WOT. i absolutely love how neither of them in particular seem to be the "true victim"s but still their point of views are more layered than just 'i hurt him he hurt me we are sad relationship'. just wow. and the heck, that last line i was not prepared for at all. what????? i can't believe what this is just so fricking amazing. ever single line, just cleverly crafted to creating two different people and their twisted versions of the complicated love they hold for each other. this story i what my fingers are aching to compliment this more but it's beyond me honestly. i need to reread this over and over again bc character depth is delicious and this is delicious. how did you get this from a crappy piece i wrote months ago? it's probably cuz you're a queen ;). i need to go back and reread this rn. <3333

    5 months ago