inanutshell

Singapore

she/her/illiterate

Message to Readers

idk if this can be counted as prose or whatever

YALL DID MY #giveusbackourwords PIECE JUST REAPPEAR AFTER BEING TAKEN DOWN

sometimes i wanna rip psychology's head off

July 14, 2020

FREE WRITING

15
you there, in the faux lab coat with the overly large ego. you've got a flair for the dramatics, don't you? spare me the excuses, you crawl into the crevices of others' lives and call it an observation. you track tragedies from a distance and call it an experiment. do you know when to stop? when to let go? when does scientific curiousity amount to intrusion, a part of ourselves stolen and placed under a microscope? i get the fascination, the duty to understand the human mind in the name of science. but your disciples come to you as clean slates and leave with violence-coloured glasses, so desensitised to the brutality of human nature that i question why anyone's ever drawn to you in the first place. to fix something in ourselves? we straddle the worlds of the conscious and unconscious, but a slight toe out of line and it's a freefall descent into the lawless pits of the psyche.

you may say it's my fault for letting you in, well how was i supposed to know you wouldn't leave? you plant your roots between my eyes and take the reins on my cognition - that is to say, i see you everywhere: in this oscar-winning movie i wanna sink my mind into without psychoanalysing; in my relatives when they ask me to therapize my father; in myself when my inability to form attachments scream out at me from within the pages of my textbook. you live in my mind and pay rent in life lessons i never asked for. yet i always find your little presents hidden in all the nooks and crannies of our mind. your gift of empathy is a privilege i've never taken lightly. i've no object permanence when it comes to love, but i'm starting to understand that just because i can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. 

maybe this blend of bitterness and anger towards you is my own form of imaginary audience and personal fable. my amygdala controls far more than i'd like to admit; these unregulated feelings stemming from my adolescent brain like to pretend they know what they're doing. sometimes i think i've got our future figured out, sometimes i wanna rip your head off. i tread lightly with the people in my life, more cautious than ever of the intricacies of human behaviour. when my friend's mental illness is mentioned in class, i listen more attentively than ever. as much as i reject you, as much as i never saw my life heading towards your direction, i find comfort in your presence, in the way you settle in my mind.

so where do we go from here?
finally submitted the frustrating assignment that spawned this piece so :)))))

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  • July 14, 2020 - 10:10am (Now Viewing)

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9 Comments
  • happy butterfly

    replying: thank you so much.Your support really means so much.I know I don't ever reply because it's a comment about the piece and not a conversation. But I just want you to know that your constant support means the world and always brings a smile to my face.So thank you<3:)


    4 months ago
  • rainandsonder

    ooh this hit hard, i'm not studying psychology or anything but i had a brief psychology phase where i read as much as i could about it online and even read through an old copy of my grandmother's DSM (that's what they're called, right?) this is just so incredibly written, especially the line "i've no object permanence when it comes to love, but i'm starting to understand that just because i can't see it doesn't mean it's not there." i had to pause reading when i read that line and just stared at my wall thinking about it for a few seconds.


    4 months ago
  • Deleted User

    Hi! It's me:)


    5 months ago
  • Currently Unavailable

    So...is it safe to say that you have had bad experiences with therapists and psychologists? I want to be one, and yes, part of it is the human brain is exciting and fascinating...but I also want to help people. I think if everyone had yearly psychological examinations by qualified and caring people, the world would be a much better place. Also, I don’t understand why people think therapy is a bad thing. Everyone should have therapy! Anyway, I’m rambling. Good piece! You really embodied the emotions you were feeling. Nice job! :)


    5 months ago
  • outoftheblue

    "idk if this can be counted as prose or whatever" what even. this is art, is what it is.


    5 months ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    whoa, the tone in this piece was absolutely crazy. love the spite here, woven through every word that sort of tapers out beautifully towards the end. i love the insight we got into psychology and what your thoughts about it are, as a psyche student. <3 wonderful piece.


    5 months ago
  • sunny.v

    pravartika’s comment made me laugh so hard


    5 months ago
  • Pravartika Wankhede

    i saw the title of this piece, and then i saw your pfp. then i pictured the lil bunny trying to climb onto psychology's tall body and trying to rip its head off. then i burst out into laughter.


    5 months ago
  • naomi ling

    if this isn't prose then i'll be. *walks off* i adore the chilling and accusing tone of this, yet the last line shows some more humanity. indecisciveness. i could go on and on


    5 months ago