Dmoral

United States


est. 2018
she/her | junior
semi active; chaotic life.
published writer + classics enthusiast.
obsessed with name titled poetry & songs.

Message to Readers

Crap, I forgot to say--I did this for a challenge on another writing website a couple of weeks ago. The challenge was: Dionysus. You've been summoned by the Greek god of wine, Dionysus. Your charge: make him laugh. The penalty of failure: execution.

Dionysus and I Had Wine, It Was Divine

July 8, 2020

FREE WRITING

14
“And child, what do you have to offer me?” His voice was a chilling low that rattled her bones, almost blocking out the notice of his slurred words.

Setting her glass on the table, Katerina peered into the man’s pale, grey eyes, raising her brow in question. His eyes were glossy but there was an absence of tears, and the longer she took them in, the darker they grew. Small shadows danced in his eyes, flashing from men with regrets to women trying to get an edge.

“Words of advice,” She finally said, leaning back into the pure, white Windsor chair. “Something my father told me repeatedly.”

Irritation flashed in his eyes, the red a threatening contrast against the pale grey. Quickly, he finished his blood-red wine, and set the golden goblet on the glass table, both rattling in protest.

“I asked you to make me laugh,” The man growled, leaning forward. “Not childish advice. Perhaps I should just kill you now.”

The words sent chills racing down her spine, but Katerina refused to acknowledge them. Instead, she locked her hands together and placed them on her knee, careful not to touch her emerald green dress.

“Sorry, what’s your name again?” She asked innocently, glancing at her nails for a second longer than necessary. “And what authority do you have over me?”

Silence sliced the room in two, allowing tension to bridge it back together. Immediately, Katerina ran the words through her mind again, quickly realizing she went too far. 

But before she could say anything, the man choked out a laugh. It was bitter and low, sounding of an old man’s cursed laugh on his deathbed, that didn’t match the youthful facade he put on. 

“No mortal with their life at risk has talked to me in such an ill manner,” He said, running a hand through his chestnut, curly hair.

“You never answered my questions.”

“Dionysus,” He said the words slowly, drawing out each syllable. Then, he reached for his goblet, it instantly refilled before reaching his lips.

“Zeus if your father,” Katerina started, eyeing her own glass. She had only taken the smallest of sips. “But he is also the father of all chaos that’s ever roamed about Mother Gaea.”

Wine shot from his lips, but her words distracted Dionysus from caring. Instead, he laughed again, only this time it rumbled, the low pitching slowly becoming higher as it continued. Swiftly, he blinked the tears away, but not before Katerina noticed.

Once he managed to compose himself, the Greek God of Wine took another sip of wine, and swallowed loudly for dramatic effect.

“He is the creator of everything chaotic regarding the children and jealousy of his many lovers. You’re bold to make laughs of my Father, but he is also where I find the most laughs.”

They shared a smirk, Dionysus’s with a mischievous glint in the grey of his eyes, Katerina’s with a calm wave coursing through her.

“It seems I’ve lived to laugh another day,” She remarked, reaching for her wine. “Perhaps it was the doing of wine to my youthful being.”

“I do not set age requirements to deluge in life’s gifts and my blessings.” And with that, Dionysus raised his hands to clap, but stopped and eyed Katerina one last time. "What was the advice you wished to give me earlier? Curiosity inclines me to ask."

“Never pass up free advice.”
Word Count: 568
Yep, another Greek Mythology take it seems, from another writer who can't decide what to write ever. Also, I'm slowly reasoning that I think I'm better at flash fiction and short stories than I am poetry, but it's whatever I suppose. Poetry is my go-to when I need to write something like, now, while short stories and flash fiction is what I need something calming and have free time. Ya know?

A few sources that helped me out a bit: (i'm always citing sources, it seems)
https://www.britannica.com/topic/Dionysus
https://greekgodsandgoddesses.net/gods/dionysus/

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  • July 8, 2020 - 9:24pm (Now Viewing)

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9 Comments
  • Wisp

    That’s a hecka long comment and I guess I just got swept up with the moment. Anywho
    Replying:
    I feel so honored to have been worthy of your computer’s last two percent. I enjoyed seeing your views on the piece, it really helped to get a feel of where I am for my writing. I’m biased towards it obviously, so getting a sense of how it is in the eyes of others really allows me to set a gauge for my skills.
    Also! Deja vu I feel. I’m in a car again reading and commenting and liking your pieces. Another 60 notifications I see coming your way.


    about 1 month ago
  • Wisp

    “And child, what do you have to offer me?”
    That is a very wonderful opening, elegant, regal with a hint of condescension and over privilege. The way you’ve conveyed that is absolutely well illustrated and the sentences following builds on that, creating an atmosphere as if you’re right there in that room sipping wine. And of course, that is only the first sentence.
    “His eyes were glossy but there was an absence of tears, and the longer she took them in, the darker they grew.”
    Your description here is heavenly. The imagery of eyes that a glassy with an absence of tears is something to swoon for. It’s such a description that makes you wonder to yourself about the little things happening that you don’t notice. Perhaps the glint of gold in hazel irises or the flutter of leaves in the light breeze. Imagery is as illustrious as ever.
    “Words of advice,”
    So simple yet so impactful. It’s beautiful the way written this in a suspenseful way. My English teacher told me that dialogue carries the piece quickly. And you’ve done this so well here. Yeah it’s simple but it carries the movement well and sometimes simplicity is what a person needs to leave the most prominence.
    “Irritation flashed in his eyes, the red a threatening contrast against the pale grey.”
    I love the use of color here, red is perceived as deep and somewhat like a rite of passage, as associated with blood. Grey is cool, it’s neutral, it’s calming. The stark contrast between the two adds a very definitive image.
    “Perhaps I should just kill you now.”
    The subtlety used with the word takes away the weight or worth of it. It’s used so simply, so ordinarily, as if everyone talks about killing others so nonchalantly. At first glance it’s like this, until you consider the weight behind it, the meaning behind his casualty.
    “And what authority do you have over me?”
    This sentence, I have to say I adored it. I’m all for female empowerment and the way this sentence closed the paragraph was lovely. It really left an impact.
    “It was bitter and low, sounding of an old man’s cursed laugh on his deathbed, that didn’t match the youthful facade he put on.”
    Your description of sound is so poignant and sharp here. The way you’ve compared it with an instance that can easily be imagined really makes it that much believable, believable in the sense that we are right there.
    “No mortal with their life at risk has talked to me in such an ill manner,”
    One of my favorite lines right here. It’s sharp and leveled yet there is this sense of hurt pride here, with a touch of anger edged in between.
    “Swiftly, he blinked the tears away, but not before Katerina noticed.”
    There is a dark aura throughout this piece that has been underlying the whole time. Barely there, but still noticeable. You’ve really brought that out here. It’s simple, just the shedding of tears, yet it leaves a statement.
    “They shared a smirk, Dionysus’s with a mischievous glint in the grey of his eyes, Katerina’s with a calm wave coursing through her.”
    The comparison and contrast between the two is just such a wonderful representation of character. Something as small as the comparison of smiling eyes leaves such a wonderful imagery and you can really define their characters.
    “Never pass up free advice.”
    The link between the beginning and end is so subtle here that you almost miss it. Though realizing it after the initial intake of words really leaves a mark. Because now it’s like everything shifts into place in all the right ways.
    Critiques:
    -Perhaps it’s just me but in retrospect, if you ignore the finer details and look big picture, it’s as if there is no definitive point in this piece. You make reference to advice and Dionysus’ background, and perhaps there is a link between the two, but when you get really nitty gritty there is no aim that needs to be reached. Though of course, sometimes that is just the mystery that makes pieces work.
    -You do not mention Dionysus as the God of anything at the beginning until the end where you say he is the God of Wine. As a fan of Greek mythology, I already knew he was a God by his name, but if I hadn’t the piece wouldn’t have nearly as much of an impact. Something as simple as describing an affiliate to power could’ve had a bigger impact there.
    Side Notes:
    -I read this when it first came out and I am astonished I did not like this because I greatly enjoyed it.
    -Sorry if I may have come off as harsh, but I feel if you aren’t harsh than there isn’t a need for critiques since then the point isn’t of the same effect. Hopefully this was helpful in some way at least
    -Picked up a few skills from reading Ursa’s analysis of your pieces
    -Lovely as always


    about 1 month ago
  • sunny.v

    aaaaagh dionysus is literally one of the Greek gods that I feel like represents me so well so to see stuff written about him by YOU no less is nothing short of *divine*. your characterization of him is just lovely—he seems arrogant (as is per usual with the pantheon) but he’s obviously powerful. also, the use of the wine...yes. and the way /manner in which they speak is a lovely little ~fancy~ that I adore. love your prose!


    5 months ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    everytime i come back the like count multiplies by 5 haha... *scratches head*
    whoa, i think in the short time i've been here i've never seen your prose and honestly i was not even living before i read this. your prose is so... smooth? eloquence personified in a line of text? i enjoyed this immensely *burps and raises wine glass* absolutely lovely.


    5 months ago
  • outoftheblue

    I remember seeing this on Prose first! Flash fiction is definitely something you're good at. :)


    5 months ago
  • ava09

    love this!! it's funny, a lovely take on Dionysus and a good light read. :)
    Replying: of course! <3 glad you're back!


    5 months ago
  • ineffable

    Oh this is such a cool concept


    5 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Fun fact: Dionysus is also the god of theatre. That's right, theatre was invented by a bunch of drunk dudes at a festival. Explains a lot, actually.


    5 months ago
  • the contrarian

    Yesssssss! I love this! Your writing has always been good but I don't think I've ever read a flash fiction/short story of yours and this is wonderful! The characters are authentic and somehow, you managed to flesh them out in such a short amount of time. Maybe I'm just easily invested in good writing, but that's beside the point.
    I really loved the line “I do not set age requirements to deluge in life’s gifts and my blessings.” Like. That's so good! That's so poetic! You go, girl!


    5 months ago