outoftheblue

India

she/her
est. april 2020
15, old soul?
indie rock enthusiast (i'd love to hear your recommendations!)
really just a tall bean with a lot of opinions
"I am going to make it through this year, if it kills me"- the mountain goats, this year.

Message to Readers

I like returning to prose once in a while- it's familiar, in a way?
*Oversharing time*
Also omg y'all just found out I got into debate society and I'm too excited ansjsjsjsjsj

there's a raging fire going on in the inside of my own head, so forgive me for not staying positive

July 14, 2020

FREE WRITING

22
you are content. you can't remember the last time you were whole/it's like you break yourself into sizable bits/digestible/you tell yourself/breathe in, out/rinse, swallow & repeat/ dinner sits heavy in your stomach. it was stale chicken, sterilised under flickering tubelights of family dinners you wished were less lively. they are more often than you would like, followed by shrivelled cards, in the back back back of your wardrobe. the games wardrobe, it was called, as if they weren't stewing there, neglected and misused. do you remember that feeling?- of being elated, transfixed by the simple beauty of a board game that hadn't been played yet? they are birthday presents from companions who you have forgotten to call, still frames in your mind.

pink-tinged perfume wafts through the humid air and tickles your nose. your retainer collects dust on a shelf you forgot to clear out before your 15th birthday, the one you couldn't celebrate. you ask yourself- is this what i wanted? to be an extrovert among introverts, an introvert among extroverts? the outside of conversations, articulating emotion but never quite getting those, those thoughts of yours across this faulty abyss of solitude. they call you witty, she's a funny girl, isn't she? but what they don't know is you staining your felt soft toy's tiny limbs with the brine of your saltwater tears. they don't know about the sleepless nights you've spent-migraines that shake your head till it hurts/the blinding lights from your bathroom window/it penetrates into your young skull/you knock your sweet head against the silver medals/the ones, you know you didn't deserve. participation trophy/consolation, the only respite that your plain walls may be adorned, at last. for why should mediocrity be rewarded? 

you are not ordinary/no, no, not extraordinary/ but extra ordinary. keep your head above these tumultous, rage-filled waters, and maybe, just maybe, some semblance of adulthood shall make it out alive. inhale, exhale, reach above the surface as the afternoon skies embrace your flailing arms.
kind of going through an identity crisis rn.
because i have no idea what i write, or what my 'style' is, and i'm just confused, okay? 
so bare with me please.

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  • July 14, 2020 - 4:51am (Now Viewing)

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20 Comments
  • Eblinn

    (reply) yes, I am. Thanks for asking! And yes, I painted that (I'm still figuring out how to paint shadows and all, it's so confusing). Do you draw too? Oh wait, didn't you play an instrument? If you don't mind me asking :)


    30 days ago
  • Deleted User

    Replying: sure! I made one at the username "OllieOctopus".


    about 1 month ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Replying: I actually never promised I would make one, and with the new guidelines, I definitely can't.


    about 1 month ago
  • Paisley Blue

    Ahhhhh this is very true and I want to cry right nowww... Also, congrats on debate society!!! So exciting! <3


    about 1 month ago
  • EliathRose

    Replying: If I can convince my mom to let me join, I will totally do so!


    about 1 month ago
  • AminahMcBina

    hi luv, yes I will be fine. we always have to be. <3 thank you


    about 1 month ago
  • Eblinn

    this is an awesome piece, the confusion and questioning radiates through these lines. I think this is relatable to a lot of us, surely to me.
    "of being elated, transfixed by the simple beauty of a board game that hadn't been played yet?"
    "the outside of conversations, articulating emotion but never quite getting those, those thoughts of yours across this faulty abyss of solitude."
    as if you plucked this right out of my head, I feel like this a lot. it's like I can't express my true thoughts to anyone (writing them down is the closest I can get).
    "participation trophy/consolation, the only respite that your plain walls may be adorned, at last"
    Outstanding as always <<33


    about 1 month ago
  • birthdaycandles

    and girl congrats on getting into debate woooo!!


    about 1 month ago
  • birthdaycandles

    ‘they call you witty, she's a funny girl, isn't she? but what they don't know is you staining your felt soft toy's tiny limbs with the brine of your saltwater tears.’
    this. this is universal. you’ve really captured what we all crave when we are really afraid, we revert back to our childhood ways... even when society tells us to stand up and face our fears, behind the scene i think sometimes we just need to crawl up into a ball and cry, it’s only human. such a great piece :)


    about 1 month ago
  • Wicked!

    Ah this is very well written! I especially love "tale chicken, sterilised under flickering tubelights of family dinners you wished were less lively" and "reach above the surface as the afternoon skies embrace your flailing arms." Also, congratulations on getting into debate society :)


    about 1 month ago
  • AminahMcBina

    I related to this so much...and like idk why but I really want to cry now.


    about 1 month ago
  • elliem

    Reply: No don't apologize!! Thank you so much for reading it; I'm so glad that people actually like it. :)


    about 1 month ago
  • elliem

    THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR NOMINATING A TALE FOR THE FALLEN GAHHH <3 <3 <3


    about 1 month ago
  • inanutshell

    love the seamless transitions from prose into poetry, this whole piece is masterful.
    "you ask yourself- is this what i wanted? to be an extrovert among introverts, an introvert among extroverts? "
    "you are not ordinary/no, no, not extraordinary/ but extra ordinary."
    the way you've articulated your inner crisis is honestly heartbreakingly beautiful. hope you're okay, and wishing you all the best. congrats on getting into debate society!


    about 1 month ago
  • erin!

    "they are birthday presents from companions who you have forgotten to call, still frames in your mind. "
    "participation trophy/consolation, the only respite that your plain walls may be adorned, at last. for why should mediocrity be rewarded?"
    "you are not ordinary/no, no, not extraordinary/ but extra ordinary."
    too good. for what it's worth, THIS deserves a gold medal a so much extraordinary praise.


    about 1 month ago
  • Deleted User

    Girl, your works are always outstanding to say the very least!
    "you are not ordinary/no, no, not extraordinary/ but extra ordinary." I ADORE this line.
    I love the reflections and feelings put into this piece. This was so beautiful, love! :)


    about 1 month ago
  • rainandsonder

    reading the first paragraph i'm already hooked. every line is so much that i wish i could highlight all of them- breaking yourself into sizable, digestible bits, i can relate so heavily to that; "stale chicken, sterilised under flickering tubelights of family dinners" is such a detailed line; and then the whole part about the board game wardrobe feels so nostalgic in a sad, slightly cynical way. and then that second paragraph! "those thoughts of yours across this faulty abyss of solitude" was such a "!!!" line for me because that's exactly how i feel a lot of the time when i'm talking with people. i've been in a state of going from one identity crisis to the next for the past two years, so this piece feels very familiar to me. and although i haven't exactly resolved it, it's gotten a lot better recently, and i will say that it's better to struggle to find out who you are than to live as someone you're not, if that makes sense. also, congrats on getting into debate society! really incredible work in this piece!


    about 1 month ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    oh, this piece is just filled with... confusion? being unsure of where you stand, being unsure of were you want to stand, it's just infused beautifully throughout this entire piece.
    "you are not ordinary/no, no, not extraordinary/ but extra ordinary" gosh, i love that line. and everything leading up to it, the hard contentment turning into soft contentment, it's like the world is just running around you as you're just... there. a little sorrowful, a lot unsure. this is breathtakingly written, and i don't think i could describe the melancholic emotion it left me in. i adore this little introspection you gave us. it's so beautiful <3
    i think there's a quote somewhere, @Dmoral13 used to have in her msg box: "all legends fall in the making". if you're feeling a little lost right now, take some time to figure yourself out :). we'll be with you every step of the way.
    i hope the next decision you make brings you happiness <33


    about 1 month ago
  • lindsmariebuck

    I could try to talk about all the amazing things in this but I think @Dmoral13 has already said it all.

    I honestly really relate. I hope you feel better :)


    about 1 month ago
  • Dmoral

    your whole piece was amazing, i loved it!! the unconventionalness of it and the wondering thoughts full of pain, reflection, and feeling, goodness, it was beautiful. all your imagery hit in just the right ways and the figurative language was amazing. gorgeous job!

    "do you remember that feeling?- of being elated, transfixed by the simple beauty of a board game that hadn't been played yet?"
    i never even thought about capturing and describing this feeling, but you nailed it BEAUTIFULLY. the youthful and nostalgic feeling here is so strong, goodness gracious.

    "you ask yourself- is this what i wanted?"
    ah yes, this definition of identity crisis. beautiful, powerful line, truly. that goes beyond just, everything.

    "some semblance of adulthood shall make it out alive"
    favorite lines, gosh, i loved this.


    about 1 month ago