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life is lovely and so are you.
super awesome
oldest sister
showing off bad dance moves in (the best state ever) Indiana
you are beautiful
you are enough

Message to Readers

PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!! I'm kinda worried that this is terrible, but hey, it can't be that bad, right? I would(per usual) appreciate any and all thoughts, especially on the second paragraph. Thx <3

Hi, God.

July 7, 2020

Hi, God.
Is that a terrible way to start this? I don't think so. Just so you know, God, this letter, like me, is not going to be perfect. I'll try to make you laugh. I think you do that, laugh. I think the Creator of the universe would be imbued with a sense of humor. You gave me one, after all. Even if it laughs at dad jokes. That's okay. You gave me a pretty great dad. Thanks for that. Why, though, didn't everybody get a great dad? I know. I've heard the sin has poisoned the world spiel. And I've heard the question why doesn't God just destroy sin already? The answer, because then He'd have to kill us off, stupid. Just kidding. Nobody in my church ever calls anybody else stupid. I know You gave us free will, which some of us use to restrict our language, and that if You made everything, including us, perfect, You would have to take that away. So comes the question, is it better to be brain dead and clean or free willed and dirty? That's a false dichotomy(my dad taught me that, thanks again). I think You know there's more than two options. Who am I kidding, You know everything(speaking of which, I would love to know what's going on in this one guys head... You know who I'm talking about). I think that's where Jesus comes in. He is the biggest oxymoron I've ever believed in. Fully God and fully human  - brain explodes - that's crazy. I like that you're a crazy God. Someone who breaks the rules we've made for comprehending the universe. I want to do that, too. Be somebody who says stupid in church. With your blessing, of course. But back to the question and answer of Christ. You cleaned our sins through Jesus. Which is cool. Oh, sorry, that needs a better expression. - brain explodes - There we go, that's better. We have been saved. HALLELUJAH! Right? But if we're saved, WHY IN THE WORLD is the world so JACKED UP? I already know the answer to this. It brings us back to our false dichotomy. Is it better to be brain dead and clean or free willed and dirty? You (graciously)gave us another option. Jesus is our way out of dichotomies for life. Would you rather have peanut butter and jelly or peanut butter and honey? Manna! Are people inherently bad, or do they become bad throughout life? God says that we are good! Is it better to be brain dead and clean or free willed and dirty? Easy, we are free willed and with that free will we can choose to become clean in Christ. Simple. 
I'm a little out of breath after that. It felt a little bit cynical(sorry), and was edging over the line of a rant(sorry again). But if you're going to write a letter to God, go big or go home, right? To go in a different direction, God, I want to say thanks. For a lot of things, but mainly for knowing who I am. For all you people who are reading this letter to God, you don't know me, so here's a quick overview. I'm 14. I play volleyball. I am the oldest of 4 girls, which makes me a leader. I'm a leader in just about everything that I do - church, school, clubs, sports. I was called fat once, despite the fact that I'm skinny as f(or so I've been told). That ruined my body image for years. I'm a self-imposed perfectionist who feels the need to be ok all the time. No tears here. That's a lie, by the way. I want to say thank you for the night in the laundry cellar when I broke down. I was on the floor in front of the dryer, bawling, because no matter how many times I try, I cannot be perfect all of the time. I can't even be perfect some of the time. I can pretend. And I do, a lot. It hit me that I wasn't enough. Pretty enough, smart enough, cool enough, athletic enough, kind enough. I kept trying to get up and get on with my life, but I couldn't. You tugged on my gut, or at least, that's what it felt like. You told me to stay down. I didn't want to, but You (gently)pushed me back down until it was all out. My pain. My flaws. My insecurities, and doubts, and questions, and sins, and selfishness, and pride. And after I had told you every reason why I wasn't worthy, I sat on the ground with my back against the dryer. I thought I had just written Total Failure across my forehead. I think I was waiting for rejection, because why would You want someone who isn't perfect? Luckily, You break the laws of the universe. I am loved by God and He knows who I am. He sees it all, and that is no longer scary to me.
So thanks, God. For free will, for overcoming dichotomies, for loving me wholly. For passionately smashing every expectation, and for laughing at my Hamilton references.
Love You.
(you should know who wrote this)
deep breaths and.... post. :) Please help this is a hot mess. 


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  • July 7, 2020 - 9:10am (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • anemoia (#words)

    Okay, this is hilarious. But heartfelt too. And honest. And clever. I... I actually adore this. I mean, it's brilliant. Sometimes I want to ask those kinds of questions too. My dad says he believes God has a sense of humor "because He made me." *eye roll* but seriously, I really liked how you approached this.
    I realize I'm super late to this comment. Sorry about that.

    7 months ago