Ibex

United States

Christian
as in Presbyterian Church in America
Female
Writer
Novelist
Poet!
Reader
Ambivert or something
Band nerd + Drum Major
Planet Earth nerd
etc, etc
Joined September 10, 2019

Message to Readers

Dreams have a certain power, and I personally think God uses them to his advantage.
Peer review please :)

Two Months

July 11, 2020


7 July, 2020

Dear J,
It's been two months since you dropped that dream on my heart's doorstep and changed my life. When it first happened, I thought perhaps my subconscious had devised it for me, realizing I was in peril and throwing the dream in front of me in hopes of chasing my conscious self into fear. I thought that maybe my subconscious understood what my conscious did not: that eternal matters are much more important than they might first appear.

But I've changed my mind. I think you were at work there, that night, placing the scene in my head as a warning to my wayward soul: Wake up. I know you work through dreams, and although I can never be certain, I will attribute this one to you. It was different, truly different, from every other dream I've ever had. Instead of just existing in some fictional place without sense or feeling, here I was vividly aware, and fear weighed heavy on my soul.

As you already know, there were two things I was certain of that night: one, I was dead, and two, I was awaiting some sort of judgement. And let me tell you, nothing throws more fear into my heart than the thought of judgement, because my soul knows it is guilty whether my pride admits it or not, and the idea of standing before a just judge shakes me to my very core. Or at least, that's how it used to be.

Waking up afterwards, the familiar question came to mind: Who can stand? I buried myself in Revelation after that, seeking answers, searching for certainty, and wondering if, perhaps, Sardis was my best interpretation of myself: the dead church, called to wake up from its slumber.

I look on this dream as a definitive turning point in our relationship. No longer were you the once-a-week best friend. Instead you were a hope, a safety net, a parachute I needed to cling onto as if my life depended on it, because, in a very real way, it did.

A few days later, I heard Third Day's song "Trust in Jesus" on my Pandora for the first time. The lyrics to one of the verses go like this:

What are you going to do when your time has come
And your life is done and there's nothing you can stand on
What will you have to say at the judgment throne
I already know the only thing that I can say

And it goes on to say that trusting in you as the perfect sacrifice for sinners is the only way to gain reconciliation with the God who is going to judge each of us in the end. And this is what my dream helped me to realize: while in that moment, someone I couldn't see asked me if I was afraid. I told them I wasn't, but that was a lie. When confronted with death itself, I was very much afraid, and this illuminated a part of me that had been sulking in my own self-deception for years: a part of me that did not believe, and instead took the gospel for granted.

Thank you, Savior, for patiently chasing after me even in the years when I ignored your words and exalted myself above you, forgetting all that you've down. Thank you for still loving me even when I didn't love you. And I suppose this is at the very heart of the gospel, that you loved humanity even though we hated you.

The good news is that we don't have to do anything to earn our salvation, that you have already done all the work for us by living a perfect life when we couldn't, dying on the cross in our place, and rising again to intercede for us before God. And all we must do to gain a relationship with the God that loved us enough to die for us is to trust in you. It is so simple, so easy, so beautiful, and I think this is what I was missing for so many years.

Two months after the dream that opened my eyes to the reality of death, I can only think about you. My writing overflows with allegories and images that I hope can be used to point someone to you, but I can never express the depth of your love and your sacrifice. My writing can only scratch the surface, and your love is deeper than any ocean. I now comment on all my Google Docs with a disclaimer telling my readers to go read the Bible instead, because it is more masterful, more wonderful, and more spectacular than my writing ever will be.

Now, I can only wait expectantly for the day when I will finally see you face to face. I think about death a lot more now, but instead of fearing it, I smile, knowing that when the day comes all pain will end and I will find myself in your presence at last. I like the song "I Can Only Imagine". It sums up my thoughts better than I can.

Love love love,
BNB

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3 Comments
  • RemovedUser1

    This is one of the best things I’ve read on WtW so far. And even though we are different denominations, if we both believe this I know that one day we’ll meet each other, after death.


    8 months ago
  • AccountA

    THIS IS AMAZING!!! I love the end, "I think about death a lot more now, but instead of fearing it, I smile, knowing that when the day comes all pain will end and I will find myself in your presence at last".


    8 months ago
  • AccountA

    wow


    8 months ago