Peer Review by Mr. Colin E. (United States)

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moon

By: Starcatcher


FREE WRITING

I was created with astroid dust and star rays. A child of the vast endless expanse of nothingness. Floating around for all eternity. You may know me as many different names, but I call myself Gealach. 

My brother is less know and no-one ever sees him. They say he is dark and brooding but I know he is just shy. But I guess 'shy side of the moon' doesn't sound as good.

My only friend is the man on the moon. He loves telling stories. He whispers them in my ear for them to rattle around in my empty head for all of eternity.

The planets used to tease me but they barely notice me anymore. Its okay we never really got along anyway. I'm fine on my own. 

I am sometimes visited by astroids. They never stay long but just long enough to tell me about there adventures. And then they leave for them to marinate in my stationary brain.



 


Peer Review

What surprised and delighted me was telling a story from the perspective of a celestial body, in this case, the moon. I've never taken the moon as a lonely soul, but after so many years in space away from everyone, it certainly can seem so. I like your use of words such as "rattle around in my empty head", "marinate", and "stationary brain". Nicely done.


What inspired you to write this piece? Was this based on a love of astronomy or a random thought entirely? Also, this is merely a suggestion, but perhaps you could go into some more depth on the moon's relationship with other celestial bodies and maybe even humanity. Not only would this make the story more intriguing, but really give it more flavor too. However, this is merely a suggestion and you don't have to take it.


Reviewer Comments

Hello Starcatcher, it's your friendly neighborhood Senior Peer Reviewer and I very much enjoyed reviewing this piece of yours. I found it to be a whole new perspective on the moon and very much fascinating with how you portrayed the big glowing rock in the night sky. While there are some things in need of improvement, it's still very good for a first draft. I encourage you to keep writing and have a wonderful day. Nicely done!