Ibex

United States

Christian
as in Presbyterian Church in America
(denomination)
Writer
Novelist
Reader
Ambivert or something
Self-proclaimed band nerd
Planet Earth nerd
etc, etc
Joined September 10, 2019

Message from Writer

Favorite songs (hymns edition):
--Rock of Ages
--It is Well With my Soul
--Be Still My Soul
--Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing
--Be Thou My Vision
Go read all the lyrics, I dare you.

------
Sometimes I tell stories. Most of the time I rattle my soul until I break and my heart spills out onto the page.

I tell stories not because I want to find God, but because He's already found me.
I don't think I'll ever really understand.

at midnight my doubts shatter my bones

July 6, 2020

FREE WRITING

1

at night my bones shatter and empty themselves of the marrow
beneath the crushing grip of stagnant chains my lungs heave
searching for air that doesn’t come
iron and copper shackles bind me from head to toe
rust encrusting on my eyelids, maroon like dried blood
I take my bleeding strawberry heart and lift it to the sky
giving it up as a stiffened offering
the liquid of life dripping down from my fingers to the ground
sometimes I wonder if I’ll make it to tomorrow
today writhing snakes build a prison for my enjoyment
twisting themselves around my arms and legs
slithering up my torso and twisting the siren’s call until I give in
in my innocent ears turned guilty they whisper
“welcome home”
I appear to my friends to be dressed in white but I wear black
sometimes I even say I like the feel of chains weighing me down
I live a lie
listen, I ought to run into the sunrise, chasing the light, but
I dangle from the snakes like a marionette weaving kindred spirits
day-dreams interrupted by mid-morning calls to action, to evil
sometimes I wonder if escape is possible, if rescue is certain
even after all these years of learning I wonder if you still exist
or if you’re just a figment of my own imagination
I am doubting Thomas because I spend my days searching
for a freedom I’ll never find and a realization I’ll never have
when the snakes come my veins spill blood and my bones
dribble white and red, marrow and fragment intertwined
like fireworks on the fourth of july, sometimes I wonder
if seeing my lifeblood flow forth in rivers makes you cry
sometimes I wonder if the world is falling apart by chance
if mere fate has decided this, or if someone out there still cares
well I'm convinced God is still here watching us, but this poem is an expression of a lot of the doubts I have had over the past several years. for my fellow Christians: even in the times when you doubt (which I'm sure we all do at some point) never lose sight of what Jesus has already done for us. peace out, everyone.

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  • July 6, 2020 - 4:43pm (Now Viewing)

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