rainandsonder

United States

"the audience is only safe when the story isn't about them."

they/them - probably listening to sufjan stevens

Message from Writer

an important piece by outoftheblue- https://bit.ly/3dBxv5r

black lives matter & pride is over but the fight for lgbt+ rights is year round.

bio quote is from the magnus archives

december fragment from my notes app

July 4, 2020

FREE WRITING

17
so it is december 3 and it's a tuesday, and my horoscope says that today everything will be in extremes, because that's what happens when you wake up with a bloody nose and a cough so strong it makes you gag: the universe is telling you to run run away.

in a parallel world i am hiding out in the basement of one of the huge unsold houses that creep closer to the lakefront every year. i am with you and at night the sky swaddles us up and breathes a gentle sigh until we feel safe enough to run down to the docks in bare feet, wade in the water in the dark and pray that there are no broken bottle shards in the sand.

as we string together the constellations like christmas lights (because it is december, after all), i tell you that sometimes i feel like an unsold lakefront house, and you tell me that everything is geography, even the friends we left behind, even you and me. i ask you why you never say anything that i don't know already, and you raise your hands in helpless surrender and tell me that you are a figment of my imagination, and can only rearrange the words already settled in the sea floor of my mind. 

this is where the snowglobe cracks and the christmas lights un-string themselves. this is where the fantasy ends, because your imaginary friends aren't really your friends anymore when they remind you that you made them up. 

and so i crush that world with my heel and dream up another. in this one, we are in new york counting down the days to the apocalypse with the preachers in the streets. they come with a new cardboard sign every day, and you and i are fascinated with their yellow teeth and cavities that cry for repentance. 

they lose me when they tell me that everything is about being a preacher, even the moving neon billboards, even the hot dog stands raising a cacophony, even the politicians and rock stars and even us and even love. as they pack their signs for the night, they tell me that secret that everyone knows but nobody wants: the world will never end. otherwise they wouldn't need anyone to preach it so bad. 

so it is december 3, and so i have a nosebleed in the ash-gray morning, wishing i were somewhere and somewhen and someone else, because everything is about being someone we are not. and i don't need to make up an imaginary person to tell me that. 
i recently did a deep clean and redecoration of my bedroom, so i figured i should probably try to clean out my phone as well and my first step of that is digging through my notes app; i write a lot of stuff there when i don't have a notebook or laptop with me. i'll probably be releasing several old poems and vignettes, and this is the first of those, from december of last year (wow, that feels so long ago...) 
anyway, i'd love to hear your guys' thoughts!

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7 Comments
  • sunny.v

    (psst your pfp is the cutest thing to ever exist!! i squealed at it!)


    5 months ago
  • avoiding the big bang

    a lot of your work feels... not exactly inaccessible, but untouchable, something so intricate and thought-out that even to work to understand it feels intrusive. this might be the best piece of yours to date, because i really feel like i can touch this one and see it and understand it and relate to it. this is also exactly the sort of work i'm thinking about right now. i've been obsessed with "garden song" by phoebe bridgers for the past couple of weeks and this strongly reminds me of it - hazy and dreamlike, apocolyptic and iridescent. i could go on and on with adjectives that would almost describe it but wouldn't quite. i think what i love so much about this isn't necessarily the constant presence of description or the word choice, it's the part about finding different worlds and then discarding them and imaginary friends not being friends anymore and the lakefront houses and the preachers and the christmas lights. it's all of these haunted images slurring together.
    i only have one piece of advice: i would cut the first and last paragraphs. they seem unnecessary, and the weird dreamlike quality of your piece is better left unexplained. i struggle with providing useful feedback and i often can only find criticism if it's a piece that i feel really strongly about.
    i can't believe that one of the most impactful pieces i've read here was written on the freaking notes app as a scrawled bit of writing practice! i'm so jealous of your talent.


    5 months ago
  • Anlee

    ugh i LOVE this <3 especially that fourth paragraph...im getting chills O.o


    5 months ago
  • fatpanda

    i wish i had something more coherent to say but asdfghjklskah you're so good at this-- love the slightly ramble-y/subconscious feel throughout the whole piece; my brain has shaped itself into a huge 'wow' at this point. bookmarking this for rereading!


    5 months ago
  • asta

    "verything is about being a preacher, even the moving neon billboards, even the hot dog stands raising a cacophony, even the politicians and rock stars and even us and even love."
    "wishing i were somewhere and somewhen and someone else, because everything is about being someone we are not. and i don't need to make up an imaginary person to tell me that. "--such a beautifully sad piece, i love it!


    5 months ago
  • outoftheblue

    "this is where the snowglobe cracks and the christmas lights un-string themselves. this is where the fantasy ends, because your imaginary friends aren't really your friends anymore when they remind you that you made them up. " Um WOW. Can't believe you have such beautiful writing in your notes app.
    And I'm really glad you're deciding to republish some of your old poems, I bet they're way better than whatever you give yourself credit for :)


    5 months ago
  • sunny.v

    aaaack this is so oddly poignant? it felt so intimate and personal and I went @-@ because I had to stop reading from the emotions. “ wishing i were somewhere and somewhen and someone else, because everything is about being someone we are not. and i don't need to make up an imaginary person to tell me that. ” how stunning!! lovely lines, and oh -so relatable.


    5 months ago