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"have I killed my thoughts right before their prime?
have I bit my tongue one too many times?
have I said it all the way I really meant to?"
~ben platt

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my relationship with paranoia leaves something to be desired.

July 5, 2020



i met paranoia four years ago. and i've been letting her crash on my couch ever since.

i would honestly give anything for her to leave. but i let her stay one night, and she just... assumed she could stay for as long as she wanted, i guess... 

paranoia's homeless, if that wasn't clear yet. 

but let me tell you it is not easy to sleep in the same house as paranoia. 

i wake up screaming and sweating at least twice every night. once in a while, i even wake up to paranoia stroking my arm and trying to help me through my... paranoia. 

i mean... i'm grateful for the sentiment, but she's gotta understand that she's paranoia. she's causing this, and this whole calming me down thing is just going to make it worse... it's all not the best experience for me.

but paranoia is a fragile spirit for a homeless one... so i don't say anything, because i don't want to hurt her feelings. i am too scared of the consequences...

she is attracted to fear like a magnet. and for someone who is so fragile, she deals an unthinkable amount of pain to those around her. her job is to go out every day and cause people to be scared when they really needn't be. she could cause you to think that the innocent looking grandma is a criminal mastermind ready to take them out with her crochet hooks. or to think that that bulge in her pants is not a wallet, but a gun. to worry people about the most mundane things.

paranoia is a paranoid person. and that is what makes her so fragile and dangerous.

she is always looking over her shoulders. always gasping and jumping whenever i open a door. 

i honestly want her to just leave...  but i can't tell her to leave, because she really has nowhere to go...

she's always tense. 

and i know she is worried sick that i am going to kick her out. it's in her nature to be paranoid.

so she stays. and i let her. 

because let's face it. i'm scared of paranoia. she is one dangerous person. and she's living on my couch.


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  • July 5, 2020 - 2:52am (Now Viewing)

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  • happygiggles

    I'm truly blown away, I have no words!! I l.o.v.e this! (:

    8 months ago
  • outoftheblue

    I love this!
    You're too good at personification in your writing, especially exploring emotions!

    8 months ago