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I love reading and writing (obviously)
he/they, they/them preferred

"have I killed my thoughts right before their prime?
have I bit my tongue one too many times?
have I said it all the way I really meant to?"
~ben platt

Message to Readers

this is for Ollie Octopus's #6monthsof2020 challenge
go check it out!

it's all downhill | #6monthsof2020

June 26, 2020



the year definitely did not start with a bang.
it began with texts among friends about the impending disastrous disease that was going to come kill us all.
because it wasn't going to affect me.
the year began as a joke. 
but it was all downhill from here.

the second month was a disaster.
everyone forgot my birthday.
and i just smiled through it with gritted teeth.
because it's okay that only two people remembered.
it's normal.

march introduced me to zoom.
it introduced me to classes alone.
it brought excitement.
it brought late mornings.
and texting friends whenever i wanted.

april did not exist.
it brought on the hours of blanking during class.
i began to become tired of my friends.
tired to texting all day.
tired of sitting in front of my laptop every day.
tired of crying all night.

and in may i gave up.
school was ending soon.
so i decided i didn't care.

i may, i may have given up,
but in june i disappeared.
i didn't want to talk to my friends.
so i didn't.
june brought pride month. 
june brought lgbtq protections being stripped.
june brought the attention of mainstream media
to the black lives matter movement.
and soon
came the end of the quarantine
(or so people thought)
covid-19 is still spreading,
but masks are now few and far between.
because people care more about their comfort
than the lives of millions of people.
june brought extreme loneliness. 
my friends are gone from my life.
until august.

and i'm assuming.
it's all downhill from here.
who knows what july will bring.
(more loneliness)

(once again more loneliness.
and dreading the start of school.
dreading seeing my friends.
and telling them i missed them.
because really.
did i?)

(school will feel fake.
i will be alone.
this is gonna suck.)

(october will bring nothing.
it simply will not exist.)

i have no hope.
will i have to deal with
a xenophobic, homophobic, racist president
for four more years?

(december will be spent
thinking of next year.
because while  everyone is getting presents.
i just don't have friends.
so i'll grit my teeth
and hope for 2021)

but do i dare think about 2021?
idk what this was, wow this year has been,,, interesting 

also, i kinda went off track lol, hope this is okay (i know it's not really a contest, so i guess anything really works???)


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  • Deleted User

    Replying: yeah :(

    well, happy late birthday then!

    5 months ago
  • Deleted User

    I feel so bad for you for February. I know how that feels. About a year ago, no one (well my family and two friends, like you) remembered my birthday and it was like so bad. I cried on my birthday. it was so embarrassing.

    5 months ago
  • mia_:)

    april hit me hard in the gut! this is so relatable (as anoushka said) and heartbreaking, but this is our reality and it sucks. but you captured it so eloquently!

    5 months ago
  • outoftheblue

    this is so relatable!
    i'm sorry about the birthday thing, birthdays in isolation are always rough :(

    5 months ago
  • sunny.v

    super relatable!! good job and good luck!

    5 months ago
  • ect.13

    Wow. Love this! Relating so hard :)

    5 months ago
  • batman_is_a_cracker

    My god, you've captured thecoronaexperience™ perfectly. Bravo. :)

    5 months ago
  • Deleted User

    This piece is amazing! I love how you continued it, all the way to December!

    5 months ago
  • spurtsofdarkness

    I relate with April on a godly level, especially that part about zoning out during class ugh, I'm in the middle of class RIGHT NOW

    5 months ago