Peer Review by ~wildflower~ (Australia)

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being

By: kealoha


FREE WRITING

oxygen tumbling through wind pipes and into hollow lungs / red blood cycling through a never-ending circuit / muscle beating against ribs vigorously / nerves screaming at the slightest sensation / bones supporting fragile structure / stomach consuming tirelessly / arteries tenderly cradling life in the form of color / skin stretching and pulling to keep everything contained / tongue performing acrobatics to produce sounds / eyes perceiving beauty and criticizing it / teeth shining to represent joy / hair twisting and winding whichever way fingers guide it / soul sparkling and dancing.

to exist is really indescribable.  

i'm not sure what this is, but i love describing things so this style is working out great for me.  lowercase intentional.  feedback appreciated, as always :)

Message to Readers

ummm, anatomy lesson for the day? XD idk what this is


Peer Review

This was a really nice piece! You managed to capture the wonder of our bodies (and life itself) very well, in a way that I don’t often see. It was very simple, yet evocative.


I think that you could make this piece and the descriptions even better by adding some more figurative language (metaphors and similes). At the moment, this piece is very literal and it also mainly describes the physical aspects of humans. I really liked it when you delved a bit deeper in the part about our soul, and maybe you could mention or hearts, minds, souls or emotions a bit more? Just a few suggestions :)


Reviewer Comments

This is a very unique and great piece! I love how you used this format to explore the simple beauty of just living - it’s a really positive and under-explored topic and I congratulate you for tackling it so effortlessly. I really enjoyed reading this :)