Peer Review by rainydayz (United States)

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Sometimes love will splinter into sharp pieces that can make you bleed

By: HelpMe512


FREE WRITING


    "Hello?"
    "Is this Mister Patrick Nelson?"
    "Uh, yeah. May I ask who-"
    "Mister Nelson, this is the Los Angeles police department."
    "Oh, god. Did something happen? Is everything alright?"
    "You might want to take a seat, Mister Nelson."


    When Pat stared into her eyes, he knew he would never be able to love anyone else. Mia had the prettiest eyes, like amber melted down and mixed with honey. She had the prettiest smile, and Pat felt like the luckiest guy in the world when she smiled. He was entranced, ensnared, and completely and totally in love.
    "I love you," he said, gripping Mia's unblemished hands in his own rough ones.
    Mia gave him a warm smile that melted his heart all over again. "I love you, too," she replied, giving his hand a squeeze. Her voice was so soft and caring.
    Pat took a deep breath and tried to remember the big speech he had planned. But Mia's smile made it hard to think about what he was going to say, so he simply said, "Mia, I love you, and I will never stop loving you. Ever," Slowly, he sank to one knee. "I don't ever want to leave you. Would you marry me?"
    Mia dropped his hands and covered her mouth, though Pat noticed it was quirked in a smile. Her eyes filled with tears as she processed the moment. Finally, she threw her arms around Pat, almost knocking him to the ground. "Yes! A million times yes!"

    "Did something happen? Did she get arrested?"
    "No. Missus Mia Nelson was caught in a car accident this evening on the highway."
    "Oh my god. Please tell me she's okay."
    "I regret to inform you-"
    "No. This can't be happening."
    "-that Missus Nelson passed away before she arrived at the hospital. They did everything they could."
    "..."
    "Mister Nelson? Are you there?"
    "I- I am..."


    Months later, they bought their own little apartment in the city of Los Angeles. It had always been Mia's dream to see the city, and Pat was more than happy to provide her with whatever she desired. It was his goal to make her as happy as could be, because that smile of hers was just so addicting.
    Mia got a job as an artist in a small shop across the street from their apartment. Pat worked for a big company as their IT guy. They didn't make a fortune, but it was enough to keep them happy. Pat could have been content with just being with Mia, even if they had no money. And Mia loved what she did, so the couple needed nothing more.
    One night, when Pat arrived home from work, his eyes drooping from tiredness, Mia ran up to greet him at the door. Though he was about to fall asleep, he embraced her in the tightest hug he could manage. They collapsed onto the couch, where they watched a movie, curled up in each other's arms. One thought raced through Pat's mind: I love you, and I will love you forever. With Mia close to him, he was safe. He was beyond happy. This life would be perfect because of her.
    
    "...semi-truck in the wrong lane..."
    Mia. Dead.
    "...struck three other cars..."
    Mia. Gone.
    "...state is pressing charges..."
    The love of his life. His wife.
    "...only one made it..."
    He couldn't think. Couldn't breathe.
    "...the driver will pay all expenses..."
    This isn't happening.
    "...very sorry for your loss..."
    His loss. Mia. Not his love, his loss.

   
    Three years after they got married, Pat still woke up every day and felt like the luckiest man alive when he saw Mia next to him. He felt like nothing else in that moment mattered, except her. Seeing her never became boring. He never wished for more, because she was enough, even if she didn't see it. And Pat made sure she knew that she was enough.
    Every morning was the same. "Good morning, my beautiful girl," Pat said.
    Mia smiled. God, Pat would do anything for that smile. "Morning," she would respond, pulling him into a kiss.
    And at night, when they both got home from work, they would stay with each other, sometimes with a movie or show playing, and simply be together. No words needed. No actions or complicated signals. Just holding one another, and feeling how lucky they both were to be together.
    Pat knew it would always be like this, until they were old and gray. Maybe one day they would have a child to hold too. Pat hoped so, and so did Mia.

    Pat thought of all their plans together. A baby. Mia was pregnant. But Pat would never see his child now. With that, he started to cry bitter tears that tasted of everything lost. He cursed at the driver that drove the semi-truck into Mia that night. He pounded his fist into the walls, hoping to drown out everything else. Tear streaking his face, he fell to his knees by one of Mia's paintings: a solemn lake. He traced the lines with his fingertip because that was all he had left of her.
    He knew what Mia would say. 
All good things must come to an end, she would say. He could almost feel her, taking his hands and giving him a final kiss goodbye. She wouldn't be angry, or desperate. She would smile sadly at him with her enchanting smile. I'll see you again, she would promise. I'm gone for now, but I'll still be with you. She would expect Pat to not be angry either. She would want him to live his life to the fullest, for her.

Why are all my stories sad, you ask? Well, I dunno ;-; but I find that these types of emotional pieces always help me sort out my own emotions.

Peer Review

I loved the whole thing, but my favorite part of the story was your ability to show how dependent Pat was on Mia for his happiness. I was delighted by your way of switching that up at the end to in a way show that even though Mia is no longer with Pat she still is. The impact she made on his life will remain without her physically being there.


I love how you described Pat and Mia's relationship throughout the story, but I would have loved to see a few of the struggles throughout the marriage. Did they have small fights about the little things that would end in a laugh attack? Were they good communicators when talking about their opposing ideas? Was there a big fight that brought them apart for a while only to bring them even closer than before in the future?


Reviewer Comments

Once I'm done with all of my reviews I will definitely be checking up on your page for more wonderful pieces!