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The concept of this piece is brilliant! A metaphor for purgatory? Yes, please. The imagery you've used is delightful, and so is the diction and phrasing. The second-person narration also works really well here.
Perhaps you could add in the thought process of the narrator here? Do they remember their life? Do they think about all the things they could've done but couldn't? Do they have any regrets? Are they happy? Missing their loved ones? Alternatively, are they confused as to why they are here? Do they try to think of why they're here but don't remember anything?
This is a wonderful piece and I'd love to read another draft if you write one. Do let me know if you have any questions! All the best with your writing :)