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my gay awakening was a bad cliche | #myrose

June 23, 2020



he was gay. he was definitely gay. right? or was i wrong? he was only saying he wasn't straight because he was in the closet, right...?
anyway, now it's too late. gay or not, he's long gone. and i'm "over him." 
am i really over him? hell no.
i'm going to sound like a bad cliche, he was my Gay Awakening. he was very important to my growth as a queer child, and honestly, i will never forget my first gay crush. especially considering he was such a quality first crush...
did it take me a bit for me to realize that the reason i was able to definitively state that he was attractive wasn't because i just "knew what a stereotypical attractive man was"? yes it did. how long did it take for me to realize it was because i was gay. a very long time. 
oh those days. 
i just thought that fluttering in my chest was just me wanting to look like him. to look more attractive.
i thought i looked at his lips so much because they were so symmetrical and perfect. well that was only a part of it. the other part...? well. that was different.
i thought i looked at his beautiful dimples so much because i was just fascinated by... dimples in general.
it was far too many times that i'd catch myself just gazing into his ice-blue eyes, just lost and completely out of it. of course, i was only looking at his eyes because i was an artist looking for inspiration. it wasn't anything else. although when he did catch me, he'd quirk his eyebrows in such an adorable way, and i'd immediately start feeling red creeping up my neck. but of course, that was only because i thought that that eyebrow quirk would be great to draw. 
and there was that one class trip that he'd just walk around without a shirt on... did i repeatedly tell him to put a shirt on? yes. did i mean it? no. did he put a shirt on? no. was i complaining? again, only on the outside. 
i only was enjoying the fact that he didn't have a shirt on because i needed inspiration for new art pieces, of course. this was an example of a body i could draw. 

did i use 'i'm an artist' as an excuse to look at him? yes. 
was i really an artist? not a good one... okay, not really. 
was he cute and dorky? absolutely. was he also a fucking cliche? blond hair and blue eyes? yes. did i care? abso-fucking-lutely not, he was gorgeous. 
i'm literally hopeless. i'm such a fucking cliche. 

but you know what? i'm over him now. totally and completely. he is gone from my mind, i don't ever think of him, and i don't remember anything about him. i'm totally over it.

i'm so not....
i just blanked, started writing, and this happened?
idk, bro. 
this is for prompt 2 of batman_is_a_cracker's contest, #myrose. 
check it out here: :)


See History
  • June 23, 2020 - 6:46pm (Now Viewing)

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  • batman_is_a_cracker

    Loved this piece then, love it now. It's so funny and relatable, it's such a fun read. I love pieces like these and always look forward to reading more like these in WtW (everyone's so STIFF sometimes, you know?) I enjoyed being your friend when we were both pretty active and I'm proud of all that you've accomplished as a writer.

    5 months ago
  • batman_is_a_cracker

    Howdy partner. As you may or may not know, I'm back on WtW (sorta) and I'm offering "free" Peer Reviews to anyone willing to ask. Recently I decided to finish what I started all those months ago and commemorate all of the people who entered into my second (and last) user-hosted competition, #myrose. I'll be doing this by commenting my notes and things I loved about the piece, and - upon request - peer-reviewing any pieces of the user's choice. Let's get started, shall we?

    5 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    Omg this sounds exactly like my gay awakening crush. duuuuuude i can relate <3 great writing btw

    9 months ago
  • Ree Sethu


    11 months ago
  • inanutshell

    oh wow this is so sweet. also very accurate; can def relate to the whole 'finding excuses to stare' bit.

    11 months ago
  • Deleted User

    Replying: thank you!

    11 months ago
  • sunny.v

    oh this is just adorable.

    11 months ago
  • Eblinn

    So sweet, such a lovely piece!

    11 months ago
  • elliem

    This is so adorable and beautifully written. :)

    11 months ago
  • batman_is_a_cracker

    Howdy. Thank you so much for entering in my comp. This is the kind of chaotic gay content this site needs. I literally couldn't stop myself from smiling while reading this. You've got that relatability down to a tee. The entire time as I was reading this inside my head with that anxious gay inner monologue I kept like remembering scenarios in which *I* was the disaster gay crushing on the straight person. Loved this piece. I'm so glad that you were inspired by my comp and that you were my first entry. I can't wait to read more from you. <3 <3

    11 months ago