pineapples

United States

Pineapples
I love reading and writing (obviously)
he/they, they/them preferred

"have I killed my thoughts right before their prime?
have I bit my tongue one too many times?
have I said it all the way I really meant to?"
~ben platt

Message from Writer

Refer to these pieces when you need more info on the LGBTQIAP+ community:
ON A-SPEC ERASURE:
https://bit.ly/2ZZ3wzD

On genders out of the binary of male and female:
https://bit.ly/3gMkJDl

Basic definitions of sexual orientations:
https://bit.ly/38Nn91w

On the difference between romantic and sexual attraction:
https://bit.ly/2DsW2xb

indecision

June 21, 2020

FREE WRITING

6

You know what I wish I could do? 
I wish I was a person that could actually make decisions. 
Ask me a question, and chances are, my answer is going to be "I don't know," or something along those lines. Honestly, it's so stupid. In my brain, I realize that choosing things is not even that hard. But for some reason, I just can't do it. 
For me, the phrase "it's like choosing your favorite child" can be applied to any decision that I have to make. Any decision is an impossible decision for me. I just wish I could be better at deciding things, because at some point, I know that this indecision is gonna come back and slap me in the face. 
This whole indecision thing is going to haunt me literally forever. 

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" Oh, I don't fucking know... just... you know, something that... pays? That's basically my only criteria? Literally no opinion whatsoever.
"What's your favorite color?" All of them. None of them. I don't know, why would I have a favorite color? The concept of favorite colors just messes with my brain... Why should we see a color and think 'this is the best color.' Yes, there are definitely some colors that are ugly, I grant you that, but the quality ones are all quality. I'm not good at deciding between two good things. 
"Are you a dog person or a cat person?" Questions like these, where people ask me whether I'm this or that, or whether I like this or that...? Ninety-nine percent of the time, I'm going to answer with 'I don't have a preference,' so maybe just skip those questions entirely. Unless they're two opposite things, one very bad and one very good. 
"Okay, what do you want to do?" This is literally the most dreaded question ever. I hate this question. I don't know, I'm bad at deciding things. You decide. If you're also as indecisive as me (as a lot of my friends are..) then we're just screwed. Yup, that's it, we're just gonna sit in silence for five hours. It's fine, whatever... Because honestly, I'm perfectly fine with just sitting around and not talking to people.  No talk is better than small talk. 
This is very important. No talk is better than small talk. 

You know the worst thing? Questionnaires. I absolutely hate having to just fill out an entire form with just.... information about myself and so. many. decisions. I simply will not be able to handle that without at least a few days to really let the questions ~simmer.~

I just cannot and will not answer questions that call for my opinion. You call this a safe space, but as soon as I make one mistake, you're all gonna pounce like fucking tigers, and I just know it, so I've learned to just keep my mouth shut. Also, the more probably reason that I don't answer is because I actually just do not have any fucking clue. I have no opinion.

Indecision sucks. I hate it. 
I really have zero idea what this is, but... hope you enjoy?

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  • June 21, 2020 - 10:47pm (Now Viewing)

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6 Comments
  • Eblinn

    (Reply) aww thanks, you surely are a beautiful writer <3


    7 months ago
  • bellairet

    On point, I'm just stumbling through life haha


    7 months ago
  • ~wildflower~

    I completely relate. I am literally the most indecisive person ever. I actually wrote a (pretty bad but still existent) piece with exactly the same title a while ago!


    7 months ago
  • Deleted User

    I can totally relate. I cannot make decisions. at all. I'm scared that everyone is going to hate me.


    7 months ago
  • Sol noctis

    Heyo!!!
    Ya know what... The first question is relatable...


    7 months ago
  • Eblinn

    I relate with the questionnaires, especially questions like 'Rate this from 0 to 5' and I just can't decide whether something is 'very true' or 'neutral' or 'not at all'.


    7 months ago