Preeti Sengupta

India

I'll just say that, Jazz, Chardonnay, and the 60s mean romance to me, but that's not what I want. What I truly want is to live a life of total freedom, from convention and morality, because that's what's going to keep me young and happy forever.

Message from Writer

Some things are made just to be beautiful, writing is such a thing. It is an art; an art we love, but never fully understand, but in the magic and the music of it, this fragment of truth becomes slightly blurred

Letter of narcissism

June 20, 2020

PROMPT: Open Prompt

2
Letter of narcissism

By: Preeti Sengupta
Dear You,

“In ten year’s time I want to live in a house with big windows, I want the house to be large enough…but not too roomy to ever feel the depth of my aloneness.”
 
-Maeve Wiley
 
She was unable to read her thoughts out loud, because she was scared she couldn’t bear the weight of who she wanted to become.
 
Ten years ago, I was a girl living with the primary objective of squandering my father’s means, and was an active campaigner in eradicating the over emphasized importance of men from the face of the earth, but mostly had a complete lack of purpose, and an purely unintentional, “ physiological incapability  for fidelity.”
Among the many things unknown to me, there was one thing, I was extremely certain about- “that one day, I am going to rich enough to make money follow me.” I did not know how I would make that possible, or what I would do to after I made it possible, I just knew I had to make it an immediate possibility, and by believing in this catastrophic dream, I let it become me, I let it draw me into “a timeless and slightly ridiculous abyss.”
I was like Sean Bellow’s “Dangling Man”, who was this unemployed man from Chicago, waiting to be drafted to go to war, and he actually wanted to be drafted, even if it meant his inevitable death because it would give his life meaning.
The reason as to why I’ telling you all this is because, there’s this tiny flickering candle of hope deep within my heart, that wants to reach out to You- my 2020 self, engulf you in a warm hug, and whisper in your ear, “ dear you-you are not helpless.”
I want you know, that among the countless promises that you made to yourself, there were not all that you could keep, and you need to forgive yourself for it, for being slightly less than perfect, and there’s one more thing I want you to come in terms with, that your life, isn’t a “happy ending”, it’s more like the siege of Troy. Except, this time it’s just you battling against a thousand ships. Alarming as it sound right now, in the end you are only one you get to the finish line with.
 
In my race to the “top”, I pressed the “skip” button on all the ones I loved, not because, they couldn’t keep up, but because I am what Humphrey Bogart meant when he said, “you’re a quitter, the get out before you get hurt type.”  So before they could “delete” me for the beast I was becoming, I removed them.
And now after flipping all these pages of uncertainty, after finally achieving the status of “the mostly economically prosperous”, despite being surrounded by the brilliant gaze of lights, a thousand crates of champagne, and a million unknown faces…I sometimes feel, a chilly bone-rattling wind blowing through, and no matter, how many times, I check the airtight balcony doors, and how many blankets I wrap around myself, I always fail to ignore, how the wind comes from somewhere deep within.
The course of time, has altered me a lot, but there has been one fear that consistently stuck, the fear that one day my heart, will succumb to the pain and sin of it all, but if I could turn back the clock and relive fleeting moment, you chose material comforts, over your emotions, there’s nothing I’d like to change about it, because deep down, I always ended up believing what Zelda Fitzgerald, once said, “Nobody has ever measured….not even poets…how much, the heart can hold.”
I guess, I have finally acquired all the things I spent half my life craving for, and I can’t think of anything else to do now, except hoping, for nothing in particular, just hoping.
 
“For this is what we do, put one foot forward, and then the other. Lift our eyes to the snarl and smile of the world once more….add our little consequence to the tides of good and evil that drain and flood the world….With longing: the pure ineffable longing to be saved.
For so long as fate keeps us waiting, we live on.”
 
-         Gregory David Roberts.
 
Love, me.
 

Print

See History
1

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

2 Comments
  • outoftheblue

    i don't have words. absolutely breathtaking stuff.
    also welcome to wtw! if you need any help at all, then be sure to drop a comment on one of my pieces whenever you have the time :)
    (if you want to reply to this, then go to one of my pieces and type replying: before, and you're all set!)
    here's the most helpful link i've found-
    https://bit.ly/346L7BB


    5 months ago
  • EdilMayHampsen

    Welcome to write the world! I hope you enjoy our community and take the opportunity to interact with other young writers! I really love this piece, and can't wait to see more from you!


    5 months ago