United States

ia | male | freshman

Message to Readers

actually wrote this a few days ago at 3am and it's a mess but catharsis amirite

also all of the concepts mentioned are mine and since i'm unoriginal i'll probably reuse them in poems in the future *clicks tongue shoves on sunglasses and dissolves*

unedited because HA reading 3am thoughts is embarrassing enough but like actually i was brilliant that night wow i'm actually impressed

i talk abt myself and it gets a little out of hand

June 24, 2020



i want to commit a sin / wash it down with white wine / bitter water / kindness forsaken by a / broken violin / i want to break my violin so bach can't kill me no longer / can you tell me what dissonance is? / stupid / i want to forget myself in pink leopard print and / dimly lit bedrooms / towel blankets scratch my / cleanly shaven legs / caked with rice lotion and the / remnants of pomegranate shaving cream / do i mourn the lost morning? / dried tears at 11:12 / who knew i cried in my sleep / once again gravity tugs the cherry blossoms down / the movement of my body is / negative tropism / though the budding blossoms are braver than i / i don't think they choose to bloom though / i never chose to be alive / but that's a discussion for another day / so rn it's about the time when the demons come out / but i'll scare them away / the poison in my teeth is enough / i know i know i'll keep my mouth / shut / damn i can't write / alexithymia / i dislike the color of my blood / and the tone of my voice / why is everyone so damn kind? / i want to pull the moon out of the well but / the moon isn't in the ground stupid girl / dip my fingers in silicone oil and smear it on my / jaw / from the inside out / well oiled machine / because the only people that get somewhere in their lives / are the ones that know how to talk / isn't that right, alexander hamilton? / i'll be the burr to your twenty dollar bill / and shoot you when you're done / no one talks about the man's poor daughter / and she shared her name / with her dead mother / theodosia / well that man was a madman to went off to chase mexico / and his daughter lost herself at sea / so for a girl like me with the same dreams / i guess history might repeat itself / in the end the one that died first got the better / legacy / maybe i'll end up sucking someone's acrylic nails / no promises though / i want to swim in rubbing alcohol so that my / wounds can close / hate hate hate my / self? / don't you have better things to do than to write / from the eyes of a victim? / oh could you ever meet a girl / who was as good at self-vivisection as / i am? / yes actually / and caring about things too much makes you a good artist / tear my body between two crossroads / because yes i want to stop thinking so much but i also / want to drink white wine with the poetry club / too long too long a giant wall of text / do i feel better? / yes / about myself? / i don't know / an artist dies when they've made their best work and i'm afraid / i'm already / dead / .



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  • June 24, 2020 - 11:04am (Now Viewing)

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  • rainandsonder

    “i dislike the color of my blood” wow! this piece was a journey and it was so good to read it.

    over 1 year ago
  • spectral

    amazing work, as always. im not sure but i believe andrew jackson is on the 20 and hamilton on the 10...? tiny nitpick, unless it was intentional.

    over 1 year ago
  • inanutshell

    wow the line breaks really add to this piece and also 'i never chose to be alive / but that's a discussion for another day' omg me

    over 1 year ago
  • lindsmariebuck

    Just wow!

    over 1 year ago
  • Tho Nguyen

    I really enjoyed this poem. Immediately it started out with vivid imagery and tangible scenes I could imagine. The line breaks are wonderful, and I love all the references to Hamilton. I like how you weave scenes that are unconventional yet wonderful, like sucking on acrylic nails and the scene with shaved legs.

    over 1 year ago
  • Eblinn

    You completely transported me into your mind, this is downright amazing! I can't get over the last line, that's so interesting and just wow.
    Also, thank you for your lovely comment on my last piece. I was so happy when I read that you liked it so much :) And for how I came up with that, I think I just blurted out as many fancy and mysterious words I could think of and just pieced them all together.

    over 1 year ago
  • sunny.v

    oof this is the first time i’ve seen a huge wall of text and not been intimidated. this was an AWESOME ride thru ur 3am brain and i’m stunned how something could be such a pleasure to read from so late at night? “ maybe i'll end up sucking someone's acrylic nails / no promises though” oh ugh i just oomf with that visual. also your reference to your vivisection piece? heck yeah. “ an artist dies when they've made their best work and i'm afraid / i'm already / dead / . ” and you’ll d word a thousand more times bc ur best is just in every single piece <3 mwah mwah

    over 1 year ago