hypocrisy

The title of the poem was intriguing to me, and I haven't come across you or any of your work before but this piece particularly captivated me. I love the religious connotations you've very cleverly managed to fit in here and there. The more I read over little sections of the poem, the more little hints I pick up and I kind of get those 'aha!' moments. It's like putting together a puzzle when I figure out a new meaning for the words! The more I go back and read this, the more I actually come to love it. You've adapted the story of creation in a whole new way, and given it a new ending. Your interpretation is interesting and beautiful. Forgiveness is such a beautiful thing.

I think addition of punctuation could really add interest to the poem. Use full-stops to make the reader pause and think about particularly poignant lines, and leave commas and other punctuation marks out whenever you want the pace to quicken, a bit like at the moment when she bites the apple perhaps. Additionally you could split the poem up into stanzas to make it appeal to more readers as sometimes when people see a block of writing with no spaces/splits/stanzas they might be a bit put off. Although equally, I think the form you've used for this actually works quite okay because each line is relatively short, the longest maybe consisting of 6 or 7 words. If I'm honest that's why I decided to read it; because the lines looked short and it was a relatively quick read. But I am happy I took the time to read it, because I felt like I needed to read a poem like this, with a message of forgiveness at the end, not being afraid of evil and believing in the goodness of God. I also like the lack of capitalisation because I think it's quite pleasing to look at. I notice how the few words that are capitalised such as, "Bible...Lord...Savior" all are related to God, which makes them stand out more.