wtw's resident fresh meat *muah*
can be found talking to the rabbit on the moon
Written By: naomi ling
June 19, 2020
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Ella R. Baker
This is so powerful in a mournful, but hopeful way. You're very talented.
Heyo! Thank you for responding so quickly. Anywho, this is pretty much a review but in the comments so the questions will be the same. Just slightly reiterated because my memory is quite the flawed mess.
What about this piece delighted, surprised, or moved you?
I was moved by the topic itself and how you handle writing it in such a beautiful style. There are metaphors used perfectly in unique spots, and I really liked that.
What would you add/change/delve a little deeper into?
I don’t believe I would change anything about this piece. I think adding too much, if any at all, could potentially take away from the meaningfulness.
“strap, not quite two fingers thick unless
she spread them apart; a peace sign,”
I don’t know exactly why, but this line kind of stuck with me. Especially the peace sign part. Making that connection and mentioning the finger space required was wonderful, and I really felt like you hit the nail on the head. I know that has been a dress code for my schools for a while and I thought it was a really great thing to include.
sooo powerful!!! your writing is amazing; you're really talented! i look forward to seeing what else you write!
replying: thank you <3
glad that you joined as well :)
agh, this is so powerful. lovely work!
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