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The Illusion Of Control | Chapter 9, Tea Date

June 16, 2020


Chapter 9
Tea Date

“I must be off,
I promised Deirdre
that every Thursday
I’d have tea with her.
And you know how she gets.”

As I exit the garden,
I wave my mother goodbye.
She smiles that knowing smile.
I pretend it doesn’t
make me sweat.

When I enter the tea room,
I make sure to walk slowly
I have a habit
of breaking things,
especially if they’re valuable
or fragile.

Deirdre sits
on a cushioned chair
exchanging small talk
with one of her servants.
Her cup of tea
along with a spread of pastries
rests on the table
with the white lace table-cloth.
That table-cloth
has never been stained,
I’ll be damned 
if I’m the one to taint it.
Then again,
it wouldn’t be that surprising
because I have
a tendency
to ruin good things.

When Deirdre notices me
she looks up,
her eyes filling with
such joy
and love.

It’s silly
how much you can tell
just from looking
in someone’s eyes.
It’s absurd
how Gill and Deirdre
have the same eyes
that glow with emotion,
colored like the leaves 
of an oak tree.
They have the same eyes
but I only love
one of them.
It’s laughable.

There she goes again,
sighing my name
as if I give her breath.

I hope I’m not
interrupting something.”

Deirdre waves off her servant.
“Of course not,
I was expecting you
after all.
This is a weekly date.”

I take a seat
on the pink cushioned chair
and shift nervously,
not quite knowing 
what to say.
Deirdre just
stares at me
with her chin
resting in her hand.

“S-so um
were you worried?
This morning
when you all 
were looking for me?”

She snaps back from her daze
and gets to pouring me a cup of tea,
her hands shaking slightly.
She hands me the cup,
I take it as carefully as I can,
still managing to 
spill some on myself.
I take a sip anyway.
Deirdre giggles
as she reaches for a napkin
to give me.
Oh, great
the giggles are back.

“No, not really.
I knew you’d come back
safe and sound
without a scratch on your body.
Because that’s what you always do.
No matter how long
you’re away,
you always come back
to me-
You always come back
to us.”

And there it is,
the reason why
I drove Gill away.
The real reason.
No matter how much
I truly want to escape
this place,
this life,
I always come back.
I still don’t know why.
Maybe I’m scared
to leave
because if I get
the consequences 
would be…

I take another sip
of the scalding
bitter tea.
I have to be playful
and teasing.
I can’t let her 
catch on 
to the truth.
“Is that so?
Maybe I should
leave for longer than
a few hours,
just to keep you on your toes.
You think you’ve got me all figured out,
don’t you Deirdre?”

She giggles again
and grabs a scone,
taking a hearty bite.
I stifle a laugh
at her stuffed cheeks.
She blushes and chews as little faster,
gulping down the rest of her scone
using her tea to flush it away.
I chuckle a little
and Dierdre’s face
turns crimson.

“A-ah, well,
I am y-your 
fiance after all.
Aren’t I supposed to
figure you out?”

I smile warmly,
deeply entertained.
I lean forward
over the small table,
close to her face
and whisper,
“Oh, my dear,
you only know
what I want you to know.”

Deirdre thoughtlessly
leans forward to meet me
nose to nose.
Her face is brighter
than a ripe tomato.
Still, she whispers back.

“You think you’re so aloof.
But I can see you
for who you truly are
and you are so exquisite.
Your eyes always
with such…
and feeling.
And I swear
as I live and breathe
that I can see it.
And it’s almost like
I start to feel
what you feel
and I’ll never forget it
because that
is what made me
fall in love with you
in the first place.
You have such a light,
and it’s blinded me
but oh,
it was worth it.”

And with that
confession of love,
she kisses me
for the first time
in our year-long engagement.
From this close,
I can see every freckle,
every small scar,
every little imperfection.
She squeezes her eyes shut
and firmly presses her soft lips onto mine,
while I awkwardly analyze
just how different she feels
compared to the one I love.
oh, deirdre oh hunny oh sweatheart oh you poor thing he's gay


See History
  • June 16, 2020 - 7:11pm (Now Viewing)

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    omgosh the foot note XD and the writing and me :') "I have a habit/of breaking things," NDFJEWPI{BbBPIQBHUEBVC YES! OMGOSH I LVE THIS SERIES SO MUCH!

    3 months ago
  • Jason_claire :)

    I had to stop my silent sobs before my brother said I looked ugly, but that footnote got me to laugh so hard at that girl.

    8 months ago
  • elliem

    Ok I was sitting here reading this at nearly one am after recovering from my sob session over the previous chapter and i was really in my feels and then the FOOTNOTES AHAHA TOOK ME OUT SIS

    8 months ago