vignettes of a drive-in cinema

FREE WRITING

two full moons sip qahwa by rose-gold dunes/ clammy scent clings to the july sky/ bitter aphrodisiac stripped/ naked in porcelain tombs

nothing feels like nothing/ between gold plated molars and/ the glint in the smile of airy teenagers/ that birth the weight of loneliness in open graves/ they say the wound does not hurt/ in cold blue flesh/ in the decay of dead dreams

all of the desert at midnight/ tastes like too much swallowed ink/ insides of unkissed mouths gaping like nietzsche's void/ there is no love for children who do not cry/ and madness seeped with kerosene/ kicks up a warm storm on shredded eyelids

kaze ga totemo aoi/ four rifts in the seam of being/ close the dismal space between hollow legs/ no red strings shall be born of vacant paradises/ lips cracked beyond droughts/ aches that fall asleep

kaze ga totemo aoi : the wind is so blue

spring has disappeared and in its place, devilish summer. bolt the windows. everything is boiling. perhaps, a film?

Peer Review

What about this piece delighted, surprised, or moved you?

The amazing imagery definitely moved me! I really love all the vivid adjectives and phrases you used (i.e. rose-gold dunes, vacant paradises), and also how they fit together so melodically (i.e. alliteration on "decay of dead dreams").

What else would you like to know? Where might the writer deepen an idea or question? Would additional details invite you further into the writing?

I think you could further explore the meaning behind phrases like "there is no love for children who do not cry" and "the wound does not hurt". Everything's really beautifully written, but I think that going a bit deeper into their meaning would elevate this piece even more.

Reviewer Comments

Keep it up! I really enjoyed reading your writing!